Well, a whole lotta things! You can list all the horrid things the little shits do, and it is one helluva long list, but right up on the top of mine is those ice cold moments of spirit when they manage to HUMILIATE you. In front of the last person on earth you wish to prostrate yourself before. Case in point, the episode I shall call "The Case of the Misplaced Turd".

In early 1971 I reported to the Army Aviation Safety and Management School at USC, LA, CA. During that stay I was on TDY status and received funds that allowed me to select the domicile of my choice. Well someone suggested the South Bay Club, a singles only complex not far from school and so there I was. Neat place too, 2 pools, 2 HOT jacuzzies, restaurant, laundry service...and lots of single wenches.

Now it was not without some restrictions, one of which was NO PETS. I had none, didn't see why anybody else would want one, and it came as a great surprise on that first morning of class that I stepped on a crat turd right outside my door! "WTF!" I thought, looked up and saw the little bastard loping down the hallway like he owned the place.

Went on outside, cleaned off the shoe and went to class etc. As fate would have it, I ran into an absolutely gorgeous gal that evening as I returned, a vision beyond words! OH BOY, what a wonderful place! Her name was Camille...

Next morning there was another scattering of crat turds in front of my door... That evening I saw Camille again when I came home, chatted briefly then went to the jacuzzi. To my eternal pleasure and great fortune she came out not long after and joined me. Boy oh boy, I was learning to love LA! I asked her out, she accepted, and.....

Next morning I opened my door to find the crat bastard laying turds in front of my door, and it didn't even react to my presence! It always seems to be the case that a lotta things happen at once at times like this. I followed thru on the kick in the spirit of Tom Matte, and with my foot still in the upstroke, the Crat hurtling down the hall end over end...wouldn't you know it but Camille opens her door(2 down the hall) and her first image is me and flying crat. HER crat.

I recall her screech actually surpassing that of the crat, and at a higher note too. It sounded vaguely like "Ooooooh, YOU ASSHOLE!" I may have said something like "shit" real quiet like, and my face was certainly crimson. She didn't seemed the least concerned or impressed by the crurds at my doorstep, and I was not glib enough at the time to ask if oral sex was still an option.

It scarred me for life. I was beside myself for 3 days before I realized it was the crats fault and not mine. It was the point in life where I transitioned from merely not liking crats, to really REALLY hating the little scuz buckets. Fortunately I was young, I was in LA, and on the 4th evening I met another LA Goddess...and she didn't have any pets. More of a party animal lover actually. My kind of gal!

I never saw Camille or her...uh..crat again. I scarcely recall a moment of greater embarassment or angst in my life. Later on of course I realized that owning crats was not a right given by the Constitution, and after returning from Strange Distant Lands I began to put learned skills to good use. Haven't felt guilty about crats since then, but it was a painful gestation.

Dan

Pres., TYHC

www.Finding.MyPriorities

Kill'em all!!! ,,,That reminds me,,,,I need to check my new found "have a crat" trap Clay

quote:

Reply

Gee Dan. I didn't know. BUT, all's well that ends well. If you want to talk to someone, I'll give you Therna's number. ned

Appreciate the thought, N.S., but right now I want a piece of Don's ass for nuking my avatar! I am not half the old goat I used to be!

Dan

Pres., TYHC

www.GoatlessIn.Yankeetown

Dan,

On one of my post in Big Bore, my avatar went to full picture size , same thread later post avatar was normal

Hog Killer

quote:

Originally posted by Hog Killer:
Dan,

On one of my post in Big Bore, my avatar went to full picture size , same thread later post avatar was normal

Hog Killer

HK,I noticed that just about everyones av was doing this.
Spooky.

I wondered why you changed it Dan. I was just getting used to the ugly SOB! derf

Nearly twenty years ago a lovely young woman came calling. Actually I had seen her a few times prior. In her arms she carried a carboard box with the 4-flap top neatly tucked in place.
She mentioned that she had managed to catch a "shell road" cat that had appeared on her doorstep. "Would you please do something with it"?

At the time was a rather dedicated bowhunter and happened to have a 75# recurve hanging nearby. As I fetched said weapon my soon to be darling placed the box on the ground. The cat, not appreciating the ride over, rocketed out of the damn box at light speed. Being a rookie, it promptly ran up a tree.
I struck a pose resembling Robin Hood, drew the heavy bow to it's fullest and released an arrow tipped with a large rubber blunt. TWACK, ummph, said the crat as it tumbled from the tree. My lovely chortled at this chain of events and I duly noted her appreciation..

So I had this now defunct pussy to discard. I live in the country and my yard is surrounded by cattle pasture. Indeed, the driveway has a pipe cattleguard as it enters the yard. Back to the task at hand, I grabbed 8 or 10 feet of twine and tied it to the crats hind leg and the other end to the rack on the old Honda. I took off down the drive, anxious to dispose of the victim and return to my lovely. As I crossed the cattleguard I heard this hysterical laughter... When I returned my darling to be was still smirking and I asked what was so funny. "When you crossed the cattleguard the crats head was going bumpity, bumpity, bumpity". Her ammusment was infectious....And I have a cat to thank for my lifelong love! Whew.

Avast , me swabee's,We got us a writer.
Just what this joint needs.No BS.
Tell us more,PAT B.



PS...Welcome to the madness.

And we nabbed him on only his third post before the other denizens of this site could ruin him. Welcome to the evlightened zone Pat! derf

Where in the world did you find such a fine sensible woman? You are truly a
blessed man. Just think, no stinky cat box in your house, no cat hair on the couch,
no money going for cat food that could go for ammunition. No wasting time wondering
who to get to feed the cat when you two want to go away for the weekend. A life
devoted to only one pussy. Not to be rude, but it was the most appropriate word.
What a comfort to know that when you remark "there's a cat in the yard" your wife
will be expecting you to show your shooting prowess rather than your femine side.

Ah, how SWEET it is!