Well, Tick and Billy Bob have been at it again!



'Bout 2:30 last night came a fierce banging on the door downstairs that didn't stop until I opened it to find Tick supporting Billy Bob in the darkness. Billy Bob's eyes were rolled back in their sockets, his skin pale and there was an odd presence between his teeth. Looked like a Bud bottle to me, or at least the bottom end of one. Tick was so excited he was incoherent and was about to wet his pants, so I took Billy in tow and followed Tick's pounding steps up the stairs. They were both soakin' wet.



Set ol' Billy Bob down on the sofa, turned on the light to get a better look and lo and behold, it was a Bud bottle! He wasn't looking all that good to tell the truth, so I grabbed the bottom end and began to pull about the time Tick groaned "Thank you Jesus!", and gave forth with a few other sound effects. From my bedroom I heard Mrs. Dan stomping around, the the sound of the Ithaca 37 getting stroked, then she said, "Get those animals out of the house!" I told here there weren't "no animals" in the house and she said, "Bullshit!"



Anyways, it was time to get down to life savin' and all, so I got a good grip on the bottle and began to pull. Ya know, it weren't all that easy! don't know why he was hangin' on like that but finally it came out, and he took the dadgumdest breath of air I everest heard in my life! Almost sounded like Ol' #97 gettin' ready to leave on track 3! Then Tick flushed.



Mrs. Dan yelled "Now!", BB took another breath that sounded really hoarse, and comin' out the door Tick said, "Golly Billy Bob, yous lookin' a bunch better! I knowd Mr. Dan could hep ya out." He took the bottle out of my hand and said, "Ya mind?" and tipped it back like he thought there was some more Bud to be had...



Billy Bob got kinda red and croaked or somethin', tried to get up but couldn't quite make it. I said to Tick, "Tick, whutinell you boys been doin'?" He got a real serious look about him, which he always does when he's gonna lie, so I said "Tick, don't start B-S'n me now, where were you??



He looked at the floor and scuffed his shoe a little then said, "We's down at the corner." "Which corner Tick?" "Aw, you know. We was down at the corner of...







(Mrs. Dan sez it's dinner time, and since she's got the Ithaca, I better see to it. I'll finish up here in a bit. )



Well, back from dinner, BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRPPPPPPPPP!!!



Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, at the corner of...





"Tick! You ignoramous! NOBODY goes to the corner of...and lives to tell the tale! Howinell? "Well Dan," sez he, "...it was a dare ya see. Me'n Billy Bob was down at The Pub, and Weasel and Jethro, well we all go to carryin' on, jes havin' fun and all. Well, Leslie got all pissed off at us for pinchin' her, and when she tolt us to go chase pussy somewheres else, ol' Weasel said, "I knows where there's a bunch of pussies!" Well, it seemt like a good idear, so we all loaded up in the truck and headed out fer Turner Camp Road, jes like he tolt us!" "Tick, y'all know where that road ends right?" "Yep! Right where we parked finally, in the damn ol' Withlacoochee River! God Bless 4 wheel drive!" Friend Tick never did anything stupid in a half assed way so I asked, "How'd you get parked there if you were goin' to the corner of...?"



"Well, we was headin' out Turner Camp and Weasel was givin' directions ya see, he dint tell where we was headin'. We turned down Jungle Camp and I sez to him, "Wheeze," ya know how sometimes he does that? Lotsa people call him Wheeze for short now, anyways, I sez "Wheeze, whar in Sam'ell you takin' us?" He jes laught at me and said, "You'll find out soon enough!" That's when Billy Bob cracked another Bud, and said, "Don't be a pussy!" I tolt him I wharnt no pussy and he laughed at me Dan! Then he said "Wheeze and Jethro, they's takin' us down to the corner of..." That's when I cracked another Bud myself! We can't go down there Billy Bob!!! And he sez "I dare ya. No, I double dog dare ya!"



"Dan, ya know ya can't back down from a 'double-dog-dare', right?" I could only nod. No self respecting man could. It began to fall into place then...



He continued, "So there we wuz Dan. Headin' down Jungle Camp, and it was darker'n the inside of Jethro's brainpan." A very astute observation I thought, perhaps there is hope for Tick after all. "We come up to the corner of... and Wheeze, he yelled, "There's some pussy!" I slammed on the brakes, and sure as hellfire, right in front of us were two cats in the high beams! Well, I started to reach into the glove box fer the .38 and 'bout then ol' Billy Bob, he makes this noise see, and then he jes sorta pitches forward onto the dash. I knowd he wasn't ready to stop and all, but ya know, I dunno, he ah, well Dan, I pushed him back to git to the pistol and I could tell he was doin' somethin' strange with that Bud bottle. And his eyes was all bugged out, ya know? I started to say somethin' and then ol' Jethro, he yelled out, "Godalmighty, she's got a double barrel 12!" It took me a second to figure out we dint have no 'shes' or no 12's, but then I looked up, and ya know that trailer there at the corner of...? I guess she's like the CAT LADY < !--color-->er somethin', but this ol' bat was standin' there all the sudden and she had like 20 cats all around her, and it weren't no damn 12 Dan, it was more like a 10, or mebbe a 8. They make 8's, right?" I nodded, my smile barely controlled.



"'Bout then, Billy Bob makes this weird noise again, and Wheeze screams "RUN"! and I hear them jump off the back of the truck. She said somthin' like "rednecks" or somethin' and jes cut loose on 'em with both barrels! I heard Jethro yell "Wait for me!", and Wheeze said "Kiss my ass!", and when she started to reload I jes floored it and we wheeled ass outta there!" He had a big self satisfied smile on his face. "Tick, how'd you wind up parkin' in the river?"



He looked down at the floor, and said, "Ya got another Bud?" Mrs. Dan was always big on sound effects so she racked the Ithaca again, and said cold as ice, "I got your Bud right here Tick." He looked up kinda nervous. I said. "The River?" "Oh, well, we was a haulin' ass outta there an I took a wrong turn ya see. Well, I was kinda excited, ya know? Anyway, just about then we come into Turner's Fish Camp, and I knowed I made a bad turn, so I did sorta one of those things like in that Smokey and The Bandit Movie, the one with Burt Reynolds, ain't he jes a fine ol' boy and all?" "Tick..." "Aw hell, I kinda Wound up stopped, sorta after that fancy U-turn, stopped in front of an ol' oak tree. Real big one, ya know? That one right by the Bar?" Another nod, I could tell he was about to have a cerebral ejaculation...and all...



"Well, I slammed it into reverse and all, I knowd Billy Bob needed hep, and jes as I pulled back away from that tree, ya know who Jessi Lou Perkins is?" "Only by reputation.", I said. "Yeah, she sure is famous and all. Well, all the sudden like she was in front of the head lights, and Dan, she dint have her top on! OOOOOOWWWEEEEEE, that girl sure does..." "Tick, get on with it!" "Oh yeah, well she does!", he pouted. His feet shuffled again, he looked up, and said, "She waved at me, and said, 'Hey Tick, you boys lookin' fer a good time? Come on up to the cabin!' Dan, I jes plumb forgot I was still in reverse! I tell ya what, nobody was ever so surprised as me when I popped that clutch! Well, 'cept mebbe Billy Bob. Then we went down that boat ramp, and, you think it would have floated if the winders'd been rolled up? "



I know there was more to the story but a couple of things happened about then, the first being that Billy Bob stood up, coughed, and said, "Tick, I'm gonna kill you, ya little pissant redneck sumbitch!" Then Mrs. Dan cut loose with a warning shot out off the balconey. You'd a thought that Tick was born with track shoes on! Opened the door and took 14 steps in two bounds! About then, Billy Bob commenced to movin' and about the time he got to the bottom Tick's ol' Chevy roared to life, and rubber began to squeal. It spilled out into the street, and their noise faded off into the distance, gears clashin' as if Tick was distracted or something. I suspect that Bill Bob managed to hitch a ride in the back, I'll probably find out later on.



Well, that was last night, and tonight is young. I know where some crats are, anybody want to go down to the corner of......with me?



Dan



Pres., TYHC



www.DoubleDog.DareYa

DANG it DAN! I can't hardly wait.

Dan i'd ride shotgun wit ya down to the corner of .... wit ye' any ole' time. sounds like a humdanger good time we would have. yyyyeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuww

Ck,,you're a babe in the teeth of wolves,,,,,Start out easy,,,get a blue tick,,or a walker,,,,,and do a bit of coon hunting for a while,,,There's a rite of passage to be followed,,,hunt all night,,,,sleep in school all you can,summer break,,sleep 1/2 the day,,drink and fish late as you can,,come fall,,,,skip as much school as will allow without failing,,and hunt,,,,coon hunt all night,,,Sleep on the bus.Clay www.justthegoodoleboys.com

Jes' in case y'all think ole Danny's afoolin' yah I know summa them North Florida Rednecks muh ownself and that's 'bout how they are...

$bob$

I got a couple of friends that are dead ringers for your boys Dan.
Seems the gas company took their meter out for non payment of the bill.
This wasn't gonna stop Eugene and his brother Buck.They got em an old truck radiator hose(no doubt stolen.)and used it as a jumper in place of the meter.
When they turned the gas on , the hose swelled up 'bout the size of a Jersey cow.
The burners on the stove burned about a foot away from the top of the stove.It was very impressive.
Hey,who knew?

What kind of ganja are those boys smokin' anyway?