I'm tellin ya guys, somebody put a hex on me - mebbe Birman knows Voodoo? Here's the story: A friend of mine wanted to go see about becoming a NJ state trooper and was planning to go to a "career" night in Fairfield. He asked me if I wanted to go and I figured whatthehell, it was in the middle of an industrial park, so why he was doing his thing, I would scout around and see if their were any job openings for me. Now here's where the curse comes inta play. While wandering around, I spot no less than 8 "landfill panthers" all giving me the stink eye!They were ballsy enough to act indifferent till I was about four feet away. Why does things like this happen to me when I don't have a rifle? Forget the rifle, I would have settled for a claw hammerI'm not even going to get into the big chuck or half dozen canadian geese I could have gotten with my size 13 and a halfs. What did I do to deserve this torment?

Toolmaker

Toolmaker, sometimes these little things happen for a reason, and I for one would suggest you are not cursed. I see it as an opportunity to get back in touch with your youth. I'm certain you are aware of the NFL's "Punt, Pass, and Kick" contest held each year for the kids. No, I'm not suggesting you try out for it, but would draw attention to the PUNT/KICK portion of the program, as aspect you alluded to when you mentioned "ducks" and "size 13-1/2". It would have been a golden opportunity to revisit days gone by, like when Lake Forrest High had you down by 2 with only 12 seconds left in the 4th quarter of the State 5A championship. There you are, waiting for the snap as your ball handler barked the count, crowd holding it's breath on home turf. Only 37 yards between you and Sally McMurtry's undying admiration, sweet perfume, and shall we say, favor? "Hut!", Your eyes focus where the ball will be placed, "Hut!", Muscles tense, "Hut!", the ball squirts back, deft hands catch and place as you start to move, the crowd goes WILD! as the ball sails to the uprights perfectly centered! Your first thought of course has nothing to do with the team or school. It is of Sally, and all the salicious things that await.

Anyway, that's how I'd handle all that. FWIW, it's bad form to land one on the hood of an occupied police cruiser. At the same time you need to keep a small bit of perspective regarding your chronological maturity. Don't go screwing up your back, or falling on rotten veggies when you miss, or the missus will surely be inquiring about that. It is a sport of solo introspection, not a crowd pleaser.

Best Regards,

Dan
Pres., TYGC
www.ThoseWereThe.Days

Forget the punt, pass and kick idea - I've got a plate and eight screws in my left leg and I don't want to revist that particular nightmare. Perhaps I should dust off ye old crossbow instead?

Toolmaker

Hmmm, I guess I can understand that easy enough. Same reason I don't get into math contests unless they're about fractions. 'Bout 2/3 of my left ring finger is gone. It was a BRUTAL divorce! Her name was Kat. Now you know.

Dan

Pres., TYGC

www.FingerFetish.Rip

Toolmaker,,Welcome to the club,,,Bagged a sweet 9 pt. whitetail one morning,Just made the first cut on a field dress when my cell phone rang,,it was my boy's school calling to say that cody was violently ill and needed to be picked up I let my buddy have the buck and picked up my son. Better luck next time,,Clay

Toolmaker,

You may take my advice or leave it but being somewhat of a Bible believing feline fancyier I can't help myself here among friends. you curse yourself uttering or printing such words. the seed is planted and unless you delete or replace it, I fear the malady may continue.

Speaking badly of oneself is a no no. For the curse to be lifted, speak well of all things.

Even when suffering the torments of that hollow feeling, I am quick to proclaim that I am blessed and look forward to many more encounters.

good huntin and with a bum leg you may want to try throwin a line out. three size 6 hooks on three foot leaders work great with few pulloffs during retrieval. the extra hooks help insure the lion is properly ensnared for a clean landing. have a recorder running as the singing reminds me of those ol tobacco field gospel songs I grew up on. comin fo to carry me home.

Ncboman is right. It was actually a blessing in disguise! Think about it man, you have a new hunting ground and the Cops can't touch you,after all they have contributed before the fact. They are by their own actions "Accesories"(sic?). Take this opportunity and run with it(figuratively speaking of course). derf

Uh derf, I did mention this is New Jersey, right? Trying that as an affirmative defense will get you a psych evaluation. The key I've realized, is stealth. Gotta figure out a way to make it look natural. Mebbe I need to get another labrador, the last one hated cats. Or perhaps a potato gun? That might be too loud. There's always poison. and I'm sure I could come up with some kinda trap, mebbe based on a culvert, modified to drown 'em after it's sprung. Thanks a lot guys, now I got another item on my "todo" list

Toolmaker

I'm assuming from your handle and your sick, twisted mind, that you are a machinist, right? How about carrying a simple arbor press in your trunk or back of your pickup, with a tire tread attachment, and after you do the deed, just insert cat, apply the appropriate amount of pressure, and Presto! a good (dead) cat which resembles roadkill!!!

No matter how you did the little bastard in, then, you can use the "jest pickin' up this hyear road kill" defense, that will give the cops much merriment long after they send you on your way.

Sounds good to me....

Interesting idea but my arbor press is bolted to my workbench and it probably weighs 175 lbs. BTW, picking up roadkill? The idea is to stay out of prison, not give 'em an excuse to go through the car. Hmm, perhaps I'm attacking this problem from the wrong angle. Gotta think like a cat, distastful as that might be.. I know! cats are always grooming themselves, right? What about a dustlike poison, that I could do an airburst with. Poison coats cat, cat licks himself, cat ingests poison, cat goes to kitty valhalla. If I plan it right, I can get all of 'em in one shot.

Toolmaker

give 'em an excuse to go through the car,,,,,I did some "off-roading" in my caddy,,,bent the snot out of the front plate. I pulled it off and tossed it on the workbench to flatten it again,,But decided to do it later and go to a party I had been invited to,,Got pulled over for no front tag,,He saw no less than 20 empty cases on the floorboards.Were's the gun son?,,At home,,,Don't bullshit me boy,,,where's the gun?,,,AT HOME,,SIR,,.He did'nt belive me,,called in two back-up's, tore my car apart,He took a lot of time in the trunk,I must have had 50 emptys of each in there,30/30,30/06,.270,357,44m,41m,12ga,38spl.,22lr,22mag,When he was done,,he turned to me and said,,you're armed to the teeth are'nt you,,I replyed yep,,and it's all at home where you can't touch it,,He did'nt care for that comment,,and seemed to bite his tounge.The three pooled together and talked for a moment,,then told me I was free to go! Been sternly told to put my seatbelt on since then,,But thats all,,,Been pretty much left alone,,Clay

They probably didn't think to smell those cases for beer did they Clay?


Dan

Pres., TYGC
www.Zero.ZeroEight

Toolmaker My suggestion is the Stealth mode.Ruger Mk II with a can on the end.Your a machinist,it's a piece of cake.