Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

All the above by Mark Twain


I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

All by Henny Youngman

Oh No! More Quotes!


Mary poppins: In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and - SNAP - the job's a game.

George Banks: Kindly do not attempt to cloud the issue with facts.

"Not everything that is faced can be changed...but nothing can be changed unless it is faced." unknown but stolen by me...

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, i did not die. unknown

" Only the gentle (are?) ever really strong" - james dean