I feel it is time for a humourous story....

First some background :- in view of the hundred or so different languages spoken by the various tribes across southern Africa a southern versio0n of Swahili was developed known variously as fanagalo or chilapalapa. Originally developed as a basic one language fits all for use on the mines in South Africa, it has spread - in modified form up to the boundary of Tanzania ( where Swahili takes over). The base language for all versions of fanagalo is Zulu - with various shoto, shona, tswana, shangaan, bangwato, english and Afrikaans words added as appropriate.

In my own country the basic Zulu is spoken by the matebele tribe - where I grew up.so easy ! As the basic all purpose language for talking to a mixed mob of Matabele, Shona, Tonga and Shangaan game scouts is based on zulu- but there are specific words that cannot be interchanged. There is also one common change ... Sindebele (and Zulu) has no R in it and the letter I is frequently used both a prefix and suffix. The dominant shona language has no L in it and uses E in preference to I in most cases. As an example - in Harare boxes are marked Eraza - in Bulawayo - Ilaza ( NB an Eraza is something you shave with not rub out pencil markings). The capital, Harare is pronounced Halali in Bulawayo. Rusape becomes Lusapi, Lundi becomes Runde. Anyway... You get the idea, Generally you automatically replace an R with an L or visa versa depending on which end of the country you are. ( the difference in actual pronunciation between the sindebele I and the shona E is very slight and it is the L vs R that is crucial to the story)

I grew up in matabeleland, speaking sindebele (a direct derivative of zulu) and had formal classes in the language at both junior and high school- so correct words, correct grammar...not fanagalo!

I join parks and am stationed in matabeleland. All my NCO’s were Matabele and most of the scouts either matebele or Shangaan ( Shangaans also speak a variant of Zulu,). No problem. The I was transferred to a station in the north. Not only was it a national park with tourists (instead of the safari areas I was used to) but also, nobody spoke sindebele. After two hours on station I discovered that basic bastardised Sindebele aka fanagalo worked ok - Especially if you shouted very loudly.

Then came a terrified tourist. Large snake in chalet. Tourists were not my job but I was the only officer on station- all the others having been called out. I picked up a forked stick and my rifle and walked down to the camp. A very large and very pissed off Black mamba was having a strike at anybody that came near...a couple of amateur snake catchers had already tried to catch it and it was not happy. I am no pro with snakes and favour No 5's... especially as a 9,3 bullet is going to make an awful mess of the wall behind.

“Go up to the office and get a shotgun†I instructed the camp attendant. Blank look- Didn’t speak English. “Hamba lapa maOffice en bwisa lo mahuliâ€. He seemed to understand that and rushed off. Quarter of an hour later he had not re-appeared but the snake decided to look out of the window. All I could see behind the snakes head was some Zambezi and Zambia so...used the rifle and one dead snake.

I was just walking back when the camp attendant arrived with a plump young girl in tow and two other white officers... all with strange expressions on their faces. The camp attendant explained - via one of the other officers, that the tourist officer on duty didn’t do that sort of thing but he had been down to the compound and found a girl who would comply.?????? WHAT!!! I explained to my colleagues what I had sent him for - when both collapsed crying with laughter. When they could eventually speak again I learned....

In Sindebele, a shotgun is a “maHuliâ€
In Shona a “Mahuri†is a whore.. ( In Shona/fanagalo, a shotgun is a “chifefeâ€)

The camp attendant had gone and fetched exactly what he thought this mad white officer needed for some snake charming ritual....Switch an R for an L and it cost me many many beers.

You guys in Africa think of sex at the strangest of times

Thanks for the great laugh...a fantastic way to start out the day.

Great story. Just what I needed this morning. Thanks.

This is my Mahuri
This is my gun...

That was good!! Thanks!

That's a great one.Thanks.What's funnier is that guy should actually go and find one in such a short span.

Best-Locksley.

Magic

Something similar but not nearly as good. There was a Brazilian studying in Mexico. Portuguese is quite similar to Spanish but there are important differences. The guy learned this when he asked a woman if he could sit on her "cadera." It turnes out that in Portugese cadera is chair while in Spanish it means hip.

I hope the camp attendant received a raise and promotion for following orders so promptly.

Kind of like the story where the Lone Ranger got in trouble and whispered to his horse to go fetch the sheriff's posse. Instead he came back with the local badge queen...

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What I don't understand is why it took 15 minutes to comply!

I need the translationof ALF word. Probably I am loosing something of funny/fantastic/interesting