Reading Andrew's story about the time he scared Dr. Paula White whilst she was in the bush conducting lion research got me thinking about the dirty joke we played on a tracker one time.

He was dumb as a stump and couldn't find an impala if it was dead laying in the road. The guy just didn't have very good eyes. I was in the Selous, Block K-4 in 2004 hunting with PH Peter Chipman. I was being a pain in the ass to Peter about this tracker, saying how worthless he was---wondering why Peter even brought him with us on the safari.

To prove a point how clueless the tracker was, I captured a snake and put it in my camera bag (with my camera.) I left the camera bag on the dining table, while Peter and I were at the fire pit. This was 2 p.m., before we headed out on the afternoon hunt.

I told Peter to tell the tracker in Swahili to get my camera out of the bag. My hunch was that he would reach into the bag, get my camera and never even see the snake, proving my point to Peter, that the guy was damn near blind.

By this time everyone in camp was in on the joke, and was secretly watching to see what happened. Peter, Kappie (my cameraman) and myself were sitting at the firepit...as the tracker walked to the dining table to get my camera.

He reached in to get the camera---and must have jumped ten feet high in the air and turned white as a ghost when he saw that snake! I damn near fell in river I was laughing so hard.

For the rest of the safari, every time I asked that tracker to go get me something he would first get his brother to go walk with him, thinking I was setting him up to play another joke on him. (Glad we weren't hunting any dangerous stuff because he would have never trusted me!) Certainly you guys have never done anything cruel like me have you?

Marc,

The PH, myself, and the entire rest of the camp staff set up our cook, Maposa, by putting a severed Baboon head at the foot of his bed.
We all said "goodnight" went to our places and waited. He didn't see it right away, but 1/2 hour later we heard wild screaming from Maposa's tent, then hysterical laughing from everyone else. He ran out and nearly shit himself until he realized that it was a joke.

To me, 1/2 the fun of the safari is interacting with the safari staff, because you really get to know the "real Africa". I always talk to them about life, women, kid's, etc and you really do learn that we are all "brothers".Anyone who dosen't is really missing out on something special....how else would a New Yorker know that "Golo" means "P*ssy" in Sindebele??

By the second week, Maposa would call me "Babba" which is a sign of affection and respect among the Ndebele. That really meant alot to me!

What would you have done if the guy had a massive heart attack and died?
I know some people that joke wouldn't go over so well.

When we were in Chirisa Zimbabwe, August 2000, our PH Johnny Hulme seemed to attract the eye of the camp manager's girlfriend. My husband,PH Blake Muil and I kept giving Johnny the business about how "hot she was for Johnny".

One afternoon, when my husband and Johnny were out hunting buffalo, Blake and I carved into the unbaked loaf of bread " I (a heart) J0HNNY". At dinner, when the bread was served we intentionally did not notice the love message. Johnny was beside himself as to how to stop these unwanted advances.

His camp nickname became "Johnny Bigelow, the Chirisa Gigilo".

To this day he does not know it was Blake and I. So David Hulme, you better not ever tell your brother about this.

quote:

The PH, myself, and the entire rest of the camp staff set up our cook, Maposa,

I don't even need to read the rest of that post and I know that Maposa had the last laugh. You don't f*ck with the cook.

quote:

Originally posted by Kathi:
When we were in Chirisa Zimbabwe, August 2000, our PH Johnny Hulme seemed to attract the eye of the camp manager's girlfriend. My husband,PH Blake Muil and I kept giving Johnny the business about how "hot she was for Johnny".

One afternoon, when my husband and Johnny were out hunting buffalo, Blake and I carved into the unbaked loaf of bread " I (a heart) J0HNNY". At dinner, when the bread was served we intentionally did not notice the love message. Johnny was beside himself as to how to stop these unwanted advances.

His camp nickname became "Johnny Bigelow, the Chirisa Gigilo".

To this day he does not know it was Blake and I. So David Hulme, you better not ever tell your brother about this.

I'll be in camp with the Chirisa Gigilo in a month.

Not really a prank, but in 2008 while hunting on Lemco, we held the Zim/US mini Olympics. We had everyone in camp, waiters, cook,ph's, skinners, about a dozen people in all. I had a $10 bill as a prize for the winner. The asst. cook won, had a ph go down with a hamstring, and two minor injuries from falls and excessive celebration. What fun, I'll remember that a long time!!

"What if" the Queen had balls...she would be King"

Was my prank worse than a live snake in a camera case?

quote:

Originally posted by Magnolia Slim:
What would you have done if the guy had a massive heart attack and died?
I know some people that joke wouldn't go over so well.

Good thread.

Last year hunting buffalo we went on a long roundabout hike that took us in a big circle. We were headed back to the truck where Buzz's driver Eddy was waiting. As we came up over the hill we were walking through the brush and Eddy did not know where we were. Eddy was busy cleaning the engine and wiping everything down. We stopped about 60 yards off the road in the brush and squatted down. Criton, Buzz's tracker, starting grunting like a lion very softly. At first Eddy did not hear, but slowly he started to hear the grunting. He glanced around, then immediately started walking around to the back side of the truck. Criton kept up the grunting and increased the volume. At this point, Eddy called Buzz on the radio to report that he heard lions. We were all about to burst out laughing. Criton increased the calling and Eddy radioed again that he was going to have to relocate the truck. Buzz answered the radio call and asked Eddy to stay there. Criton continued to grunt and Eddy got in the truck. At this point we could not hold in the laughter any longer. Best part is that we got the whole sequence on video. Good news is that Eddy is such a great sport I think he taught it was funnier than anyone else.

quote:

Originally posted by MJines:
Good thread.

Last year hunting buffalo we went on a long roundabout hike that took us in a big circle. We were headed back to the truck where Buzz's driver Eddy was waiting. As we came up over the hill we were walking through the brush and Eddy did not know where we were. Eddy was busy cleaning the engine and wiping everything down. We stopped about 60 yards off the road in the brush and squatted down. Criton, Buzz's tracker, starting grunting like a lion very softly. At first Eddy did not hear, but slowly he started to hear the grunting. He glanced around, then immediately started walking around to the back side of the truck. Criton kept up the grunting and increased the volume. At this point, Eddy called Buzz on the radio to report that he heard lions. We were all about to burst out laughing. Criton increased the calling and Eddy radioed again that he was going to have to relocate the truck. Buzz answered the radio call and asked Eddy to stay there. Criton continued to grunt and Eddy got in the truck. At this point we could not hold in the laughter any longer. Best part is that we got the whole sequence on video. Good news is that Eddy is such a great sport I think he taught it was funnier than anyone else.

For whatever reason that one really has me chuckling. If you were able to post the video I would live to see it.

I will see if I can figure that out -- should be some way to do that.

505,
It was all in good fun...at least I think it was...

quote:

Originally posted by 505 gibbs:

quote:

The PH, myself, and the entire rest of the camp staff set up our cook, Maposa,

I don't even need to read the rest of that post and I know that Maposa had the last laugh. You don't f*ck with the cook.

We were hunting in Zimbabwe, and it was the last day of our hunt.

We have also shot all the bait female impalas on our quote, so the last thing Roy wanted was a mistake by shooting another impala female.

My friend Klaus wanted to shoot an impala, and just by chance, we had a tube of stage blood! I know, we do try to be well prepared for all eventualities.

We found a herd of impala feeding below us in the valley, so Klaus went along with Roy to try and shoot one.

Klaus fired 4 shots, and the impalas were running all over the place in the bush.

We thought this might be a perfect time to use our stage blood.

I gave the tube to Alan, asking him to sprinkle the blood on the tracks of the rest of the herd - all female - after we find the buck down.

I did this because Roy has learnt not to trust me, and he keeps a very close eye on what I do!?

Not a happy situation one wish to be in with his PH.

Anyway, we went down and found the impala dead.

Alan put some blood on the track=s of the herd as they ran off.

Roy was just as Happy as Klaus to find the dead impala, so we left them to it, and followed the rest of the herd.

"We better check he hasn't killed another one with all that shooting" I said, just to get Roy into the right frame of mind.

Miraculously, I came across some drops of blood on the ground AFTER the male was dead.

"He Roy, there is blood here. Where did it come from?"

Roy comes along "There can't be any blood tehre, the animal died there. He did not come this far"

"Well, there IS blood here, so there must be another animal that got wounded! Klaus, are you sure you knew what you were shooting at? Were all your shots on animals with horns?"

By this time Roy found a few more drops of blood, including a a drop on a leaf, which he was carrying in his hand.

Klaus looked at the leave, and asked "What type of blood is it?"
I answered "It looks like muscle blood."

Roy went into hi gear. "That is just what we need! A wounded female when we have3 no quota for them. Just what we need"

By this time, I was finding it very hard to contain myself, so I burst out laughing.

The look of relief on Roy's face was unforgetable "It is one of you jokes again?"

quote:

Originally posted by Leopardtrack:
505,
It was all in good fun...at least I think it was...

Yes mate, as was the piss in your soup.

Let us not mention the double chocolate muffins or, heavan forbid, the icing on the buns.....

Walter loves chocolate. One year my wife took some chocolate and put it in the fridge at the camp.

The next day she discovered that Walter almost finished it!

She asked me to get some impala dung.

She melted chocolate over the impala poop, and made it look like some chocolate covered peanuts.

After dinner, she normally offers us all a piece of chocolate.

This particular day she went to Walter first, with a plate of chcolates. She knew Walter will pick the biggest piece.

He selected a big chunk of chcolate covered impala poop, and stuck it into his mouth and started chewing.

Suddenly, he stopped, and his eyes were almost popping out with surprise!

He left the chocolates alone for the rest of the safari.

When my Uncle first took me to Texas hunting camp at the tender and gullible age of 16 there was a lot of this sort of thing going on.

My uncle had unbeknown to me had secreted a packet of chocolate raisins in his pocket and every so often would go ahead and leave a small pile of the stuff on the ground ahead.

We would then "discover" it and he would immediately pop a few in his mouth, chewing and saying {munch, munch} "It's buck boy!" {munch, munch} "nice one too!" {munch, munch} "5 years old, likes berries, passed this way 15 minutes ago and has a slight limp!".

I naturally took this all with a pinch of salt until he eventually found and shot a deer, I was a convert.

The next day they said it was my turn and off we went. They had prepared a little mound of chocolate raisins about 50 metres down the trail.

They let me go in front, being the hunter and all, and presently I found the raisins.

Or at least I thought I had.

I need not go on further about the drawbacks of youthful optimism but the look on my face was apparently priceless....

quote:

Originally posted by Saeed:
He selected a big chunk of chcolate covered impala poop, and stuck it into his mouth and started chewing.

That's too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brett

A rubber snake etc is always good for a laugh and I'm a great fan of practical jokes..... but like to keep most of 'em secret so no one knows what to expect.

One good trick is to pull a wing off a tsetse and drop it down someone's neck, arse crack or into a pocket!

Love the chocolate covered impala shit trick though.

Shakari,

So basically what you are saying is that if I WANT TO BE "SAFE" at least as far as my PH is concerned...I should look elsewhere? What a pity lol

LMAO Shakari...and I thought I could trust you with my first safari lol......

I've gotta tell you, I do have a very twisted sense of humour!

I got a double whammy a couple of years ago when I was in a friend's camp. The waiter was sweeping out the mess and I snuck up and put a rubber snake on the lid of the freezer.

A few minutes later, the waiter spotted it and after a minute or two, he flicked a tea towel over it and then proceeded to beat the shit out of it with his broom.

Later on, my friend came back to camp and his face was a picture when he saw the lid of his freezer was covered in bloody great dents!

We have had quite a bit of fun with a gorilla suit.

In Chete, Walter put it on and went into the kitchen after we have had our dinner.

There was utter panic as everyone was trying to get out of the way of this nasty creature.

One helper actually spent all night up a tree a little distance from the camp!

On another occasion, Walter waited for Todd and Dwight as they went back to their tent after dinner.

Walter was hiding in the dark, shaking the overhang of the tent, Todd and Dwight were having quite a time trying to see who gets behind who!

another memeber here told me about using warthog dung to make tea as a joke . I think I'll stick to hunting with Steve.

I make it a rule never to mess with food or drink or anything that'll cause pain (other than tsetse down the neck etc) but most other things are fair game.

When I look back at all the most memorable safaris of my life, the one common denominator is the shared laughter and I reckon it's one of the best parts of any truly great safari.

I like takeing my leg off and telling dumb ass researchers they don't know what there talking about

Dam it's to bad we did not get to laugh while I was in uganda

I was just a witness to this one, but it was funny as hell.

I was in the Tafika fishing camp in the Valley for three days before my buffalo/tuskless hunt in Dande in 2008. One morning we were all on the boat getting ready to cast off for a morning of tiger fishing and Ivan Carter was next to us in his boat getting ready to leave camp with his young nephew.

Ivan had turned the boat around stern first to the bank and raised up the motor and called over Andrew Toza (the camp manager) and asked him to look to see if the prop was fouled.

As Andrew was looking closely at the prop, Ivan gave it full throttle and I bet the water went 15 feet up into the air and completely soaked him.

As I recall this was retaliation for Andrew having put a used toilet seat in Ivan's luggage for a flight to the US.

Walters famous farting machine did work well on the camp owner. who had a few beers in him

squirt guns, water balloons,, dead snakes, fart machines, hot sauce in the PH's toothpaste, to many to remember anymore. make the whole safari alot more fun, but i'm afraid if we ever shared a safari with saeed and steve that we may all be banned from africa

NOOOOP they don't ban ya. they just suggest you bring a adult with you next time so your have supervision. I'm bringing a well developed young woman to straighten my back next time

quote:

Later on, my friend came back to camp and his face was a picture when he saw the lid of his freezer was covered in bloody great dents!

This whole thread is great but that one gave me the best laugh. I've not gone out much the last couple of years because with my girls being young it was just a lot more work to get out leaving the mom alone. this year though lots of camping scheduled and more hunting with my brothers. 3 of the 4 brothers (me included) are fun and this gives me some great ideas.

in fact, 4th brother is best to play pranks on. I'll fill you all in later on what we do.

Red

place a condom on a soft towel. fill it with water AND i mean really fill it. 2 ft long is not to full tie the end off and get someone to help you carry it. gentaly roll it off the towel onto the prankie's bed. see how long it takes to get it off without breaking it.

quote:

Originally posted by ddrhook:
place a condom on a soft towel. fill it with water AND i mean really fill it. 2 ft long is not to full tie the end off and get someone to help you carry it. gentaly roll it off the towel onto the prankie's bed. see how long it takes to get it off without breaking it.

More coffee on the keyboard!!

i forgot the condoms when i was in shop rite in kimpala or you would have gotten a first hand try at it

replace a small amount of personal lubricant with icey hot. stand back and listen to the fire works.

Played a GREAT one on my old friend and hunting buddy Peter Lang a few years ago..... we were driving slowly through high elephant grass in the Selous one day when we bumped a pride of lions that were asleep in a small clearing...... they baled out PDQ and we sat for a while talking lions.

Then Peter said he'd get out and look at the lion spoor..... I sat back and said fine but be careful........ he got out and started looking. As soon as his back was turned for a moment, I tapped my driver on the sholder and he baled out into the long grass....... took him about 15 minutes but he leopard crawled round to where Peter was looking at the spoor and when he was just a couple of feet away, he let out an immense lion roar.

Peter damn near had kittens and I nearly fell out the truck laughing!

I bet the ride back to camp smelled bad after that!!

Slap your arm or the back of your neck, then pretend that you are picking up a tetsee fly then put it in your mouth like you are eating it.

thats not funny they do taste good ask Steve he knows

Or the old one of sticking a finger into buffalo shit and then sucking the NEXT finger and hope the client doesn't see the finger swop and tries it himself.

ya but your fingers have been in so much shit you could not tell the difference they would all taste the same