Ladies and Gentlemen,

We have had several threads going about how bad it can be hunting in Africa.

Yesterday Walter was here, and he was in one of his usual moods - LOST!

He had taken my rifles after we came back from our hunt to his workshop to clean.

He brought them back, minus one bolt.

Me, after I have discovered this fact, on the phone "Where is the bolt for the black rifle?"
Walter "What bolt for what black rifle?"

Me "The bolt for my black rifle that you brought back earlier today! Where is it?"
Walter "Ha? The bolt is in IT!"
Me "It isn't. I have the rifle right here. And there is no bolt in it. Where is it?"

Walter "Are you serious there is no bolt? Did you look in your workshop?"
Me "I looked everywhere. It is not here! You better find it"

Walter "You are joking, right?"
I kept quiet.
Walter "You are not joking. You are mad at me. OK, I will go back to the workshop and find it"

About 3 hours later, he called.

"I cannot find it in the workshop. Are you sure it is not in the gun?"
Me "How many times do I have to bloody well tell you it is NOT here? Where have you put it?"

Walter "I don't KNOW! If I knew I would have gotten to you by now"

An hour later he appears, with the bolt in his hand.

Walter "I found your bolt. It was in my car. It has been there all the time"

Me "Who put it there in the first place?"
Walter "Don't ask! I could kick myself for being so forgetful"

Me "It might be easier if I kicked you. Anyway, I will enjoy it more too"

He turned to Klaus, who is here on a short visit from Germany.
"You see what I mean? You think I enjoy myself when I go on safari with him and his friends? All I get is abuse and blame for all the nasty things they do to each other"

Me "Tell Klaus about the leopard bait that you BBQed"

Klaus started laughing before he even heard the story.

Walter "You see? You are just like them. You are laughing before you even KNOW what had happened. It wasn't my fault. THEY swapped the leopard bait for the lovely BBQ I was going to make. Ha ha ha! It was so funny, Wayne and Paul ate part of it before they decided it wasn't good. Ha ha ha"

Walter got himself one of those funny mannlicher Luxus rifles that have inter-changeable barrels. Another contraption designed in a very stupid way.

The scope has a sort of rail. That is screwed to the barrel, but extends back over the receiver. It has no support from the receiver. So I can imagine it rattling each time a shot is fired.

He brought it here for me to develop some loads for him.

Me "Where is your rifle?"
Walter "It is in my car"
Me "How am I going to shoot it if it is in your car?"

Walter "OK, I will go bring it"

He did. There was no scope on it, and the magazine was missing.

Me "Were is the scope?"
Walter "I don't have one. May be I can borrow one from you"

Me "The scopes are in there. take one and put it on"

About an hour later, after I have prepared some cases for reloading.

Me "Are you finished?"
Walter "No. We have a small problem. Klaus sent me the wrong scope mounts"

Klaus "I did not send you these mounts!?"
Walter "It does not matter. It is your fault. I know if I have asked you for these scope mounts you would have sent the wrong ones"

Me "Where is the magazienfor your rifle?"
Walter "Ha? Oh, where have you put it?"

Me "I have not even seen it. Where is it?"
Walter "I took it out because it has 3 rounds in it. I don't know where I put it"

He still hasn't fount it yet.

In Tanzania, Walter wanted to shoot a buffalo, so he has to be primed and prepared for it. All 3 of us, Roy, Alan and me, were busy getting this through to him.

One day we were driving back to camp late in the afternoon. We saw a topi bull all by himself, with ant hill close by. We thought this was an ideal situation for Walter to get some practice.

Alan "Come on Walter, get moving, you are going hunting"

Walter "Oh shit! I am not ready"
Me "Just get off the bloody truck. I will carry your rifle for you"

He got off the truck. The topi is hidden behind an ant hill about 300 yards away.

Walter "Give me my gun. I don't want you to carry it. I can carry my own rifle"

I loaded the rifle, and put it on safe, and handed it to him.

Roy, Alan and me started walking towards the ant hill. Walter was falling behind.

Roy "Come ON, hurry up! It is going to get dark soon"

Walter "Why should I hurry up? The buffalo does not know I am coming. He is feeding"

Me "You are going to shoot a topi, not a buffalo. Alan thought you need some practice. He does not want the same repeat of your usual performance"

Walter "What? I have been getting ready to shoot a buffalo, why do I have to shoot a topi now?'

Alan, laughing "Just do as you are told, or give the rifle back to Saeed. He won't mind shooting the topi"

Walter "Where is it? Where is thsi topi? I cannot see it"
Me "Just shut up and walk a bit faster. He is behind that ant hill. You probably have to hit him on the head with your barrel. He is so close"

We got the ant hill, and as we got to the side to take a look, we saw the topi about 120 yards away, looking straight at us.

Walter "Where is the other one? The one so close?"
Alan "That is him. Just shoot him before he decides he does not like us and run"

Walter "He is looking at us, and makes a very small target. Tell him to turn around a bit"

Me "Just aim in the middle of what you see and shoot!"

Walter fired, and we could hear the bullet connect. The topi jumped about a bit and fell down, stone dead.

Alan "Well done! Good shooting Walter"

Walter, with a smaile on his face that went all the way to his ears "Hmm. Saeed, I like your gun. It is not as bad as I thought it was. It did not kick too much either. can I keep it in my tent tonight?"

Me "Not on your life mate! Give me back my rifle"

Walter, hugging the rifle to his chest with both arms around it "I will give it to you in the camp. Now it is all MINE. I am the hunter"

Roy "We'll never hear the end of this now"

So you guys who think you have it bad in Africa, imagine sharing a camp with Walter

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Walter is great entertainment on safari I see. Guess a safari will not be the same without him..

Saeed here is few suggestions :

1.get walter a red nose from a toy store and a pair of oversized shoes he already has the hair and the hat.
2. get him a replica(un shootable) of your gun as a momento and for him to carry while you are stalking a animal for evrybodies safety gun included and only give him the genuine rifle at the last moment
3. Enjoy his company because you'll miss him when hes gone

4. tell Walter Sam says hi he looks like a teddy bear

Saeed: Walter needs his own gun. Here are two suggestions from Cabela's: I believe that the first one is $19.95 and the Monte Carlo Set is $49.95 No bolts to lose. No scopes to borrow. And, he could even be left alone with it. I'm not sure if the ammo belt and sling is genuine buffalo leather or not.

Saeed- how much extra per diem do they charge to have Walter on safari? Or do they consider it an even swap for the entertainment? I thought I had a cast of characters... This stuff is priceless!!

I would pay for Walter's safari to have him in my camp.

Videos have been added

That guy is crazy..

The Marx Bros have nothing on Walter. Priceless.

Never a dull moment.

The barber chair video is priceless!!! Oh what a dirty mind can lead one to assume.

I don't want t hijack the thread, but after seeing that last video of Walter in the barber chair I have to share this story.
One of the female doctors that I trained under used to cut hair while she was working her way through med school.
She worked in a salon. One night when she was about to close an older gentleman appeared at the door asking for a hair cut. She was the only one there so she told him they were closed.

He insisted he had to have his hair cut. She thought about it and decided he didn't look dangerous and she really needed the money. So she told him to have a seat.

As she was finishing his hair cut, she was blow drying his hair when she noticed the same movements as Walter in the chair.

She became terrified. She tried to think of a way to run but she was sure he would catch her. So she took the hair dryer and with all of her strenght she smacked him in the head with the dryer.

When he fell to the floor it became apparent that he was cleaning his glasses rather than what she thought.

The paramedics arrived before he came to. Unbelievably, she still charged him for his hair cut.
Sorry for the tangent.

quote:

Originally posted by oupa:
The barber chair video is priceless!!! Oh what a dirty mind can lead one to assume.

He did this on the plane as we flew to Tanzania.

You should have seen the looks on the air hostesses faces as the watched what he was doing - he made sure everyon saw it too.

It was laughs all around afterwards, as he said to each of them:

"You girls are not just very pretty, you have dirty minds too!"

The girls were all over him. They couldn't do more for him.

He was being offered champaign chocolates, he loves chocolates.

He got a whole bag of Godiva chocolates to take with him from the flight.

He told them he has so many girl friends, and he was going to give one chocolate to each of them as he got home!

The girls almost had a fit when I said all his girl friends were baboons!

Walter is fantastic!! I have to meet the Tanz paparazzi gang!