"An adventure is something that you rather wish wasn't happening at the time, but makes a hell of a story later"

"Relax, you're on safari!"

"If you're old enough to have the cash to burn, you have no fire left"
- Anonymous old guy at my booth in Reno, dicussing an African safari and the gruelling flight across the Atlantic that goes with it.

All I wanted to do now was to get back to Africa. We had not left it yet, but when I would wake in the night I would lie, listening, homesick for it already.

Now looking out the tunnel of trees over the ravine at the sky and white clouds moving across in the wind, I loved the country so that I was happy as you are after you have been with a woman that you really love, when, empty, you feel it welling up again and there it is and you can never have it all and yet there is, not, you can have, and you want more and more, to have, and be, and live in, to possess now again for always, for that long, sudden-ended always; making time stand still, sometimes so very still afterwards you wait to hear it move, and it is slowly starting. But you are not alone, because if you ever have really loved her happy and un-tragic, she loves you always, no matter whom she loves nor where she goes she loves you more. So if you have loved some woman and some country you are very fortunate and, if you die afterwards it makes no difference.

Now, being in Africa, I was hungry for more of it, the changes of the seasons, the rains with no need to travel, the names of the trees, of the small animals, and all the birds, to know the language and have time to be in it and to move slowly.

Ernest Hemingway

In a Capstick book where he told other hunter's tales he mentioned an oldtimer with a muzzle loader who had run out of lead and loaded it with coins: "As I've mentioned before, the only way to stop a charging buffalo is to take away his credit card......I guess that a small change works too." PHC


Karamojo Bill

"If it bleeds we can Kill it!"

Arnold Swarzenegger in "PREDATOR"

"It is the dead ones that can kill you"

Rudyard Kipling

Do you know the world’s white roof-tree—do you know that windy rift
Where the bafing mountain-eddies chop and change?
Do you know the long day’s patience, belly-down on frozen drift,
While the head of heads is feeding out of range?
It is there that I am going, where the boulders and the snow lie,
With a trusty, nimble tracker that I know.
I have sworn an oath, to keep it on the Horns of Ovis Poli,
And the Red Gods call me out and I must go!

Very entertaining thread! It is amazing what stands out in our minds, most often they do not sound like much...unless you were there.

"Another 20 minutes" --> Zim PH regarding how long it would take to get to the truck (never once true!)

"Never marry a woman from that village..." --> Tracker mumbling to himself out loud and with conviction, upon departing a village in Zambia where we got chewed out for not shooting the elephant that ransacked their huts.

"I wouldn't get out of your tent if I were you" --> PH in the Caprivi after a lion roared from within camp, just as we had finished dinner and zipped up our tents . The first roar was immediately followed by the crashing of pots as the waiter dropped his load and sprinted to the kitchen area. The PH drove the Land Cruiser thru camp and to his tent that night, although I never heard the door so I am pretty sure he slept in it. That was funny.

"Not bad for an amateur" --> Same PH, after I had made a ~50yd offhand shot at a dirt clump, and must have been looking pretty smug. He was the "pro".

"It is pozzebull" --> My optimistic French PH in Cameroon whenever I asked a question that started with "Do you think…"

"You should have been here last week/month/year" and/or "I have never seen it so dry/wet" - To many times to count!

Some others become priceless the more they are repeated, and as one grows into the statement.

"I don't talk and I don't tip" --> Legendary greeting of a Zambezi Valley hunting great!

On my first Safari to Zimbabwe we were shooting impala for leopard bait. It was the first or second day, and we were stalking impala on foot.

We saw a nice buck, and as I prepared to shoot the PH says "Thats pretty far EH?"

I went kneeling and with my scoped 9,3x74R Chaupis double rifle and knocked him down with the first shot.

He replied "AH, not far enough I see... Super, more Ingwe scoff!"

My PH, to me, following the news of a croc attack on a local villager down river. "Life ain't easy on the Zambezi."

And,

When asked what the first step in venomous snake bite treatment protocol was, the PH responded, "Have him sign the travelers' checks."

Some funny stuff.

Hunting is getting as close as you can, shooting is getting as far away as possible.

quote:

Originally posted by Bill C:

"Another 20 minutes" --> Zim PH regarding how long it would take to get to the truck (never once true!)

I like it even more when they say: "Just now..."

"Let's see what trouble we can find." PH Gordon Duncan - prior the hunt.

"When you have shot one bird flying you have shot all birds flying. They are all different and they fly in different ways but the sensation is the same and the last one is as good as the first." Ernest Hemingway

As we drove past a home in the middle of know where on my last Elephant hunt a little boy ran back into the house yelling out somthing which made the trackers and game scout laugh out loud.
It turns out he was telling his mom

"look mother, look, White people"!!

It tuned out this area sees few hunters which mean no Whites visited these areas for years.
Zimbabwe,It like going back in time .

From Horn of the Hunter I believe. Ruark and Selby return to camp well after dark, tired, hungry, dirty, bloody knees, etc. Ruark's wife is reading a book by the fire. She looks up and says:

Buffalo again. Idiots.

Not as eloquent as many, but unforgettable.

The very neatly, professionally printed sign on the dash of Zim PH Norman Crooks Cruiser:

"Don't slam the fucking door."

Crooks is one of the most colorful guys I've ever met. He was very active in the bush war, and collects snakes.

I returned to hunt with Roger Whittall Safaris a second time and when I met my old friend Meeka the tracker I was getting re-aquainted.

When we hunted together two years prior I had told him I wanted a kudu with horns that touched the clouds and gahunas that dragged in the dirt.He got a good laugh when it was tranlated to him.

I asked how many wives and children he had now. Two wives and seven children he replied. Then with an ear to ear grin, "Gahunas work too good."

"Is that enough excitement for you?" - comment by PH when a "shot" buff decided to run in our general direction leading to a flurry of shots to end the runaway buff-train.

My response - "That is more excitement than I paid for...." - followed by heavy breathing and profuse sweating...

This is from a story by our old friend Gene Hill called "The Elephant Hunter:"

The situaton is an old gentleman is dying of cancer and is on one last safari to take an elephant trophy that had eluded him on two previous safaris. He is obsessed with completing this task before passing on. After two grueling weeks, he finally lines up on an old Bull at a water hole, only to discover that it has a missing tusk. At that point he lowered his rifle and let the beast walk away. The story ends with these words:

"Perhaps," he said, "when all is said and done, we come to learn that the greatest pleasure in owning a gun is discovering the great privilege of not using it."

First heard from my brother after one more delay

"in Africa the sun goes up and the sun goes down,
that's all you can count on"

And on my last hunt from the PH before embarking on an all day follow up on a poorly shot (my fault) zebra "You hit him hard, he won't go far".

Shoot that big bastard on the left (or right) as quick as you like!

Me

Oh Noooooooo !!!! - Not TBBC

Me

So then the damn client fell over dead with a heart attack!!!

My buddy CK who was talking about a client who fell over dead in the middle of the Botswana bush.

"For those who are dreaming of similar adventures, there can only be one piece of advice - put your dreams into practice. The first step is always the hardest but the eventual rewards make it all worthwhile."
Simon Holmes a Court

Have never been to Africa but oten think of this whenever I am hunting in some remote area,
'I have no fear in the bush and have never been lost. I have however - in typical native fashion - been confused for several days at times and have occasionally lost my camp for a few nights!' Unknown

quote:

Originally posted by jwm:
MacD37,

I've admired that "life well spent.." signature line every time I've seen it here, and always intended to ask where it came from. My own first Africa trip is in the works for '09, and I can't wait to be able to use that line!

John

Thank you John, and you are welcome to use the quote any time you like! Good luck on your Safari! The first Safari is one of the best times in any hunter's life, and every detail will remain fresh in your mind, no matter how long you live!
...............Good hunting

quote:

Originally posted by chuck375:
A quote from Ruark...

"Robert Ruark took a .470 double rifle on his first safari to Kenya, and while he was in the process of shooting a Cape buffalo, the two barrels fired simultaneously. Both the buff and Ruark were knocked flat. Harry Selby, Ruark's professional hunter, waited a moment and then said, "Really, one of you ought to get up." "

"Living the dream" Randy a guide in Colorado at Bear Mountain Ranch.
Doug

You only need two tools on safari - WD-40 and Duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it does move and shouldn't, use the Duct tape.

sadly i've never been to africa but here's a couple

1. after using about 50 shells to kill 15 texas doves, i explained to my young son, "we don't go dove hunting to kill doves, we go dove hunting in order to shoot our guns a lot".

2. one year my son and i killed three deer on opening morning. i worked my butt off to get them all processed. the next day when i came in from hunting my son asked how i did. i told him, "i got REAL lucky and didn't kill anything".

"Another shitty day in Africa"

"I declare lunch"

"I'm pleased to meet you, but if you shoot my leopard I won't be pleased to meet you" Gerald McRaney at the airstrip after a failed leopard hunt to a guy in our party starting his soon to be successful leopard hunt.

"We'll be there just now"

"O' we'll have to go back and get another tracker" (after a tracker fell out of the truck)

"I'm in the asshole of nowhere"

Those made me chuckle John.

"If it moves, shoot it. If doesn't move, shoot until it does..."

While technically we weren't hunting it was in Zimbabwe in 2002. I was eating breakfast when the camp owners wife came in grumbling that one of the camp staffs daughters was going to have a baby.

I thought nothing of it as "going to have a baby conotates up to 9 months of lead time. But then heard "Lyn, after Hugh has finished his breakfast, why don't the two of you run her up to the clinic to have the baby".

I nearly spit up my cornflakes and exclaimed, "you mean she's in labor NOW? and we need to rush her to the hosptial in the truck?!?!"

To which in a calm manner the lady said, "don't worry, she'll ride in the back".

My favorite three words in any saying involving hunting anywhere and used anywhere in a statement or sentence, "Sort It Out".

I'll never forget this one. My brother and i had just arrived at camp in Botswana. After a drink or two around the fire i began asking the PH's a few general questions in an attempt to get to know them better.

My question: "So, do you guys get a lot of asshole clients in camp"

His response: "No, you are the first two".

I knew right then we were going to have a great trip! That guy was funny as hell.

a ph I hunted with in RSA would say
Africa----its a tough country,but you will never forget her.

he was so right!

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.â€
-- Bishop Desmond Tutu

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

-- Albert Einstein

I was sitting in a duck blind with my friend Earl.

Earl was not known to be a crack shot. He told me he was seeing so many floaters in his vision that morning,he was not sure when they were Ducks.

I remarked

Shoot at it, if it flies off it was a duck!!!


Earl passed away last month, thanks for helping me recall this fine memory.

JD

Another Gordon Duncan quote:" fantastic shot.." regardless of where the round actually went!