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1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a com
 
Posts: 13129 | Location: faribault mn | Registered: 16 November 2004Reply With Quote
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Out here we spell "com" with a "b" on the end :-)
 
Posts: 18281 | Location: Very NW NJ up in the Mountains | Registered: 14 June 2009Reply With Quote
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Picture of Moremonte
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tu2 All The Above!! beer
 
Posts: 1837 | Location: Grove,OK. | Registered: 20 July 2002Reply With Quote
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Picture of Use Enough Gun
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quote:
All The Above!!

Yep. tu2 tu2
 
Posts: 15840 | Registered: 04 April 2005Reply With Quote
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Picture of NormanConquest
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Biebs reminds me of the one that the toothbrush was invented in Arkansaw, otherwise, it would have been termed a teethbrush.


Never mistake motion for action.
 
Posts: 13486 | Location: Austin, Texas | Registered: 11 March 2013Reply With Quote
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Hell Yes.


TomP

Our country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right, when wrong to be put right.

Carl Schurz (1829 - 1906)
 
Posts: 12140 | Location: Moreno Valley CA USA | Registered: 20 November 2000Reply With Quote
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