What happens when you stroke a lawyer's head? He gets taller!

I'm a lawyer and I have it on good authority that there are only three lawyer jokes. The rest of them are true stories. This sounds like the latter.

That’s harsh. Everyone knows that 99% of lawyers give the other 1% a bad name.

After nearly 40 years of practicing law, I thought that I had heard them all. Too many lawyer's jokes to even count nowadays. And, I agree with Mike.

What do you call a bus load of lawyers going over a cliff, with one seat empty ? A Tragedy.

Grizz

Have to agree with Mike and UEG. There are good and honest lawyers out there on both sides of the docket, but the majority of the plaintiff's bar.... Well I'll stop there, I don't want to get sued.

What's black + tan + looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

Plaintiff's lawyers send their clients to their pet doctors, who recommend and perform surgery to up the medicals. A lot of unnecessary surgery gets performed. The lawyers guarantee the medical bills out of the proceeds of the case, but the doctors and the lawyers have a deal in advance how they'll split it up and the doctors will take a whole lot less than the stated bill. But the jury never hears about the shenanigans. It's a scam. And every juror should know that.

Just met a new type of lawyers.

Tse tse flies!

Blood suckers to the core!

Lavaca, I know you're right. I'm sure that there is more of that kind of thing going on than most of us are aware of.

What do you call one hundred lawyers jumping out of a plane?



Skeet

Norman,

You are damn right that I'm right. And every one of us pays higher insurance premiums as a result. Most of the American people are too stupid to get it, which explains the guy in the White House.

quote:

Originally posted by lavaca:
Norman,

You are damn right that I'm right. And every one of us pays higher insurance premiums as a result. Most of the American people are too stupid to get it, which explains the guy in the White House.

You put him there!

Nope.

Not even close, Saeed.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

When he's defending a politician.

quote:

Originally posted by Michael Robinson:
Nope.

Not even close, Saeed.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

When he's defending a politician.

WRONG!

Every time he opens his mouth!

Not true, Saeed. Again, not even close.

Compared to politicians, lawyers are saints.

A good politician can lie like a ventriloquist. They do it so well, their lips don’t even move.

Or in the Latin base, Poly (many); Tics (bloodsuckers).

Mike, you are correct, we didn't vote him in. I still firmly believe that it was a rigged election + even now the DNC is gloating that he has a handler.

quote:

Originally posted by Michael Robinson:
Not true, Saeed. Again, not even close.

Compared to politicians, lawyers are saints.

A good politician can lie like a ventriloquist. They do it so well, their lips don’t even move.

Most politicians are layers too!

Yep, lawyers as well as 'layers'. ( or wannabes).When the legislature is in session down here one sees the politicos in the titty bars wearing (stupid) disguises.

All of you are spelling wrong!

Lowyers is more correct.

George

Saeed,

I do take offense about all lawyers lying. You paint with too broad a brush. It might be true most of the time, and likely is with most plaintiff's personal injury lawyers, but I try cases on the facts and the law. I'll take advantage of the law if it benefits my client, but I'll always counsel my clients to tell the entire truth. When they have followed that advice, we've achieved good results. When clients have failed to follow my advice and lied, they lose big time. But I'm on the civil defense side.

Seems like plaintiff's lawyers almost always have their clients lie and exaggerate their injuries and somehow get away with it. It's a total game and sham and people should know it.

Since almost every client has a tendency to tell their lawyers only what they want the lawyer to know, I have always, for the last 40 years, told new clients to tell me everything-the good, the bad and the ugly-because in the end it's all going to come out in discovery anyway. And, I always advise my clients of one simple thing: to tell the truth-be it in their sworn deposition or under oath. The truth never needs invention or change. It's that simple, folks. Count me in the 1%.

Right on.

Too many lawyers forget that they can, and often should, fire their clients.

Like Mark Twain said," If you tell the truth, you don't have so much to remember."

Yebo!

YADA!-YADA!-YADA!!!

Hip

UEG,

Like you, I've always told my clients I can explain the truth, and as others have said, if you tell the truth, you won't get confused and caught in a lie. Juries hate liars and you can never afford that.

But I've had cases where the truth was no help. Then you admit liability and call the jury's attention to the plaintiff's greed.

If you play it right, in a case of liability, it becomes like baseball arbitration. You give them a reasonable number they should award and they'll do it. But we're seeing some serious verdict inflation lately, especially in trucking cases. It's disturbing. Anyone want their packages delivered? Yes, it affects you.

You are correct. It does affect us all. I will do my best to withhold getting into a political fringe discussion but it has to be noticed that due to the current administration responsibility of causing the fuel prices to skyrocket, combined with the state of Califonia only allowing Union truckers to deal with the ships is a major cause of our national problem I know this is posted on the humor forum, but really, the way things are going is no joke.

Too many people call Saul, and too many Sauls answer.