MIL bitching to new mother the baby didn't look like her son:
Mom pulled up her skirt and pointed, "this is a pussy not a fucking copy machine!"

Wife squalling about the pain while having a baby and cussing the husband.
He said: "I wanted to put it in your ass, but, NO you said it would hurt!"

"I saw a fortune teller the other day that said I was going to come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl named Penny, isn't that amazing?

A man was called at work by the cops to be told his house had been robbed of five beers and his wife raped. He said: "I can't believe anyone would fuck my wife after ONLY five beers!"

Wife said: "I don't know if I'm coming or going"
Man: "from the look on your face your going, when your coming you look like a squirrel trying to whistle"

George

That last one is just weird (and funny). Thanks

there's an awful lot of truth in that last one...