Here about the sailor who just got in to port?
Well he had a few drinks and as the night rolled on he started thinking of a bit more than drinking, it had been a while out at sea, so he fronts up to this brothel.He pays his way and finds himself in the room with this lady of the night and after a while of cuddling and so forth, the only thing he manages to say is " how am I doing , luv"
She replies, "your a sailor, aren't you"
He says " yep, shore are"
She says " well you're doing about 3 knots"
He says," 3 knots"
She says, "yep, yer not hard, yer not in and your not gettin your money back!!"

Did you hear about the old Aussie sailor who got propositioned by a hooker as he came down the gangway. She asked him if he would like something he had never had before, and he answered"what yah got,leprosy"? derf

Leprocy, I'm not half the man I used to bee!