I hope that this will once again confirm that the most
important information in your life won't come from a teacher,the library or the Internet, but from a mentor, and on a veryPersonal level:

My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives, the special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give!

Much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man.

Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of Grandfatherly advice, came when I was only 12 .

We were sitting in a park, watching children and their
mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family.

"And son," he said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands."

"How come, Grandpa?" I asked.

"It makes your pecker look bigger."

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Grandfather to Grandson

"If you ever get lost in the woods during hunting season,

STOP

Sit down
Think
Observe
Plan

And when all else fails drop your pants and begin to masturbate. Some bastard will come by before your finished"


Leadfoot

Leadfoot,
The advice I was given is to fire two shots into the air and complain loudly about how you missed an easy shot. Some know it all bastard will come by and tell you what you did wrong.

Mort Canard

Sometimes you have to look beyond the words for the true meaning. "Keepin' your nose clean" doesn't necessarily mean you should be diggin' for nose nuggets in public.