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> 1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
>
> 2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
>
> 3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
>
> 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
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> 5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
>
> 6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?
>
> 7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
>
> 8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant; the
> early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
>
> 9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
>
> 10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
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> 11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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> 12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
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> 13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
>
> 14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
>
> 15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
>
> 16. It's not hard to meet expenses.... they're everywhere.
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> 17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
>
> 18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter, I
> go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm "here after".
>
> 19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
>
> 20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE.... ?