DEFRA.
Department of Environment, Food and Rural Afairs,

Due to the current financial situation within the Farming Industry, the government has decided to place all farmers over the age of 60 on an early retirement scheme. The scheme will be known as RAPE ( Retire Agricultural Personnel Early ). Persons to be Raped can apply to join the SHAFT scheme ( Special Help After Farm Termination ). Thoughs who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will then be reviewed under the SCREW scheme ( Scheme for Retired Early Workers ).

Please note that you can only be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice but SCREWED as many times as the Government deem appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED may get AIDS ( Additional Income for Dependants ) or HERPES ( Half Earning for Rural Personnel on Early Severance ).

Those farmers remaining in the industry will recieve as much SHIT ( Special High Intenisty Training ) and CRAP ( Caring Responce Assistance Programme ) as possible.
As you are aware the Government has prided itself on the amount of SHIT and CRAP it gives to farmers.

Should you feel however, that you are not getting enough SHIT, or that you are not responding to all the CRAP, please bring this to the attention of a Government Minister as he has been especially trained to give you all the SHIT and CRAP that you can handle.

Postscript.

The Government Minister has launched a new consulting body, BUGGER ( Body Under Govenment Guidance to End Rural Affairs ) Which is expected to lead to the "Final Solution"
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LOL. I used to work for the Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food for 11 years. This sounds familiar