The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a UW worker paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The United Way guy opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?”

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, “First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, “Uh... no, I didn't know that."

”Secondly,” says the lawyer, “Did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair, and is unable to support his wife and six children?”

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

”Thirdly,” says the lawyer, “did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

Then the lawyer says, “So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

Reminds me of an old Steve Martin routine:

Mad at My Mother

quote:

Originally posted by Michael Robinson:
Reminds me of an old Steve Martin routine:

Mad at My Mother

Says this video is not available.

Grizz

Lawyers just like doctors are something we never want to see but when we need them we want the best.

quote:

Originally posted by Grizzly Adams:

quote:

Originally posted by Michael Robinson:
Reminds me of an old Steve Martin routine:

Mad at My Mother

Says this video is not available.

Grizz

It's just an audio. But it's on YouTube.

When I saw the title of this thread, I thought we might learn a new, long, painful way of getting rid of lawyers

you wish!!

quote:

Originally posted by Saeed:
When I saw the title of this thread, I thought we might learn a new, long, painful way of getting rid of lawyers

Here’s the best way, Saeed.

From olden times, when no one needed laws and courts and lawyers, or so they thought.

The Code Duello was used, especially to settle debts of honor.

Gentlemen, choose your weapons!

But even then, lawyers were needed.

In bygone days, a thin man insulted a fat man. The fat man challenged his insulter to a duel, to be settled with percussion pistols at dawn, a fortnight hence.

On the day of the duel, a debate ensued about the unfair advantage held by the thin man, because he was a much smaller target than the fat man.

Finally, the thin man’s second, who happened to be the best lawyer in the land, came up with a solution.

"Let the outline of my principal’s figure be chalked upon your body," he said to the fat man, "and any shots of his that hit outside the chalk lines, we won't count."



And so it was.

I seem to remember hearing that story before.

Whate the differance between a flounder and a lawyer ?

One is a slimy , scum-sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish