A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”


Q: What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A: BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA!



A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”



Counting in binary is as easy as 01 10 11.


What did the DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”



The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.


What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”



A man is talking to God. “God, how long is a million years?”

God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.”

“God, how much is a million dollars?”

“To me, it’s a penny.”

“God, may I have a penny?”

“Wait a minute.”


If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.


Your mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.


René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Would you like a beer?”

Descartes replies, “I think not,” and promptly disappears.

Thanks for cheering up my Wednesday morning.