OH DEER

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the
deer meat for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it
if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them. His little boy keeps
asking him, "What's for supper dad?" "You'll see", he replies. They start
eating supper and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating. "Ok",
says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me." His
daughter
screams "Don't eat it, ............Jimmy!...... It's a f***ing Ar$eh0le!"






Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.The
landlord looks at him and says,"But you're a duck".

"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my
sandwich please?".

"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.

Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues
for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the
circus comes into the pub and the
landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck
that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and
everything!".

"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr.
Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".

"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".

"At the circus", says the landlord.

"The circus?", the duck enquires.

"That's right", replies the landlord.

"The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the
big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.

"That's right!", says the landlord. The duck looks confused, "What the f**k
would they
want with a plasterer?"