Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared

for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney

called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.



He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She

responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since

you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to

me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk

about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you

haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more

than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."



The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across

the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She

again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a

youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He

can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is

one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his

wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know

him." The defense attorney almost died.



The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very

quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,

I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

two six year old boys meet in the playground , and in the course of play one asks the other what his father does ." My daddy is an accountant " says the first boy .
"My daddy is a lawyer " says the second boy .
"Honest?" asks the first boy .
"Nah , just normal" replies his playmate.....