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local mortuary

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14 March 2016, 21:19
nvmichael
local mortuary
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.'
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
15 March 2016, 01:44
Moremonte
shocker tu2 rotflmo Good One!!
15 March 2016, 05:14
Grizzly Adams
I'll bet that happens a lot. Wink

Grizz


Indeed, no human being has yet lived under conditions which, considering the prevailing climates of the past, can be regarded as normal. John E Pfeiffer, The Emergence of Man

Those who can't skin, can hold a leg. Abraham Lincoln

Only one war at a time. Abe Again.
15 March 2016, 15:44
DocEd
Redd Foxx circa 1960


NRA Patron Life Member Benefactor Level
15 March 2016, 17:35
Brice
I'll risk hijacking the post. This is only the humor forum, after all.

I remember back in HS a few of the guys sitting around Darsie B.'s living room listening to Red Foxx records. They were his folks' and no doubt off-limits to us. They were, in those days, filthy. Today just risque'. I recall one,

"She woke in his bed
With a beard in her ear,
Whispering
Have some Madeira,, my Dear."

or some such.

There was another, a female humorist, singing
"Gonna get some Poontang..."
15 March 2016, 18:34
cal pappas
Was the female humorist Rusty Warren?
Cal


_______________________________

Cal Pappas, Willow, Alaska
www.CalPappas.com
www.CalPappas.blogspot.com
1994 Zimbabwe
1997 Zimbabwe
1998 Zimbabwe
1999 Zimbabwe
1999 Namibia, Botswana, Zambia--vacation
2000 Australia
2002 South Africa
2003 South Africa
2003 Zimbabwe
2005 South Africa
2005 Zimbabwe
2006 Tanzania
2006 Zimbabwe--vacation
2007 Zimbabwe--vacation
2008 Zimbabwe
2012 Australia
2013 South Africa
2013 Zimbabwe
2013 Australia
2016 Zimbabwe
2017 Zimbabwe
2018 South Africa
2018 Zimbabwe--vacation
2019 South Africa
2019 Botswana
2019 Zimbabwe vacation
2021 South Africa
2021 South Africa (2nd hunt a month later)
______________________________
16 March 2016, 16:25
DocEd
"Knockers Up"


NRA Patron Life Member Benefactor Level
16 March 2016, 16:37
Greg K
quote:
Originally posted by Brice:
I'll risk hijacking the post. This is only the humor forum, after all.

I remember back in HS a few of the guys sitting around Darsie B.'s living room listening to Red Foxx records. They were his folks' and no doubt off-limits to us. They were, in those days, filthy. Today just risque'. I recall one,

"She woke in his bed
With a beard in her ear,
Whispering
Have some Madeira,, my Dear."

or some such.

There was another, a female humorist, singing
"Gonna get some Poontang..."


We listened to these in college, still have the albums somewhere:

"My name is Lawanda big bottom, if you're looking for thrills m'fer I got em!"
17 March 2016, 09:20
NormanConquest
Red Foxxs toast for the ladies drinking martinis. "Take 2 at the most,3 you're under the table,4 you're under the host.


Never mistake motion for action.