Dan Rather, Jesse Jackson, Cokie Roberts and an un-named Marine were hiking
through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals.

They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The
chief said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the
condemned a last wish.

Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot,
spicy chili."

The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili.

Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my
work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We
Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're
listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape
recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe
someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job til the end."
The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts
dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief said, "And, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the butt." said the Marine.

"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the butt." insisted the
Marine.

So the chief untied the Marine, shoved him into the open, and kicked him in
the butt.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from
his waist band, and shot the chief dead.

In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his haversack, pulled out an M16,
and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were all
dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying the others, they each asked him, "Why didn't you
just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the butt?"

"What?!" said the Marine, "And have you idiots call ME the aggressor?"

At least he had the sense to cover his ass like that!

Red