But I'm an asshole and I know it! It's one of my best things.

Wife says: If i die will you remarry?
Me: No!
Wife: But i want you to remarry and be happy again.
Me: Ok
Wife after a long pause: Will she sleep on my side of the bed?
Me: Yes that would only be natural.
Wife: Will you make love to her?
Me: Yes that would only be natural to.
Wife: Will she play with my golfclubs?
Me: No, she's lefthanded.