An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife, a retired English instructor with emphasis on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty years' service, was a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbuck's to meet a friend for coffee. While awaiting her friend's arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her husband a romantic text message:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

Her husband responded immediately:

"I'm takin' a shit. Please advise."

Sounds like a CPO.A buddy in the navy wanted to take leave because his wife was having a baby. The skipper told him no,you were necessary at the keel laying but not at the launching.