Three friends.

An Irishman, and Englishman and a Frenchman.

They were having a drink and discussing what is the fastest thing in the world.

The Frenchman: It is electricity. You walk into a room, flip a switch, and INSTANTLY the light comes on.

The Englishman: It is the power of thought. I am sitting here, and thinking of my cousin George in New Zealand.

The Irishman: It is diarrhea!

The other day, finished work, went to the pub, had a few Guinness, went to the Taj Mahal, had an extra hot chicken curry, and went home.

Just as I was going up the steps to my house, I had an urge.

And before I could even think to turn on the light, I shit meself!