14 December 2007, 18:34
butchlocpsalm 1911
>> PSALM 19:11
>> > >
>> > > 1. In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it
was
>> > > good. And behold the Lord said, thou shalt not muck with my disciple
>> > > John's design for it is good and it worketh. For John made the 1911, and
>> > > lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon
>> > > the mountain.
>> > >
>> > > 2. And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul
implements
>> > > upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have
>> > > malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.
>> > >
>> > > 3. And as the ages passed, men in their ignorance and arrogance didst
>> > > forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of
>> > > the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases
>> > > upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and
>> > > alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by
>> > > lust.
>> > >
>> > > 4. Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911
and
>> > > did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the
>> > > artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so
that
>> > > the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the
>> > > internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell
>> > > upon it.
>> > >
>> > > 5. And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an
abomination
>> > > unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost
need
>> > > true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by
>> > > their enemies in the Great Battle.
>> > >
>> > > 6. And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought
by
>> > > man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon
>> > > the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no
wrong.
>> > >
>> > > 7. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men the lord of the
>> > > underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring
>> > > forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and
>> > > felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed
>> > > by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.
>> > >
>> > > 8. And being a deceitful spirit, the lord of the underworld did make
these
>> > > plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable
>> > > to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to
function.
>> > >
>> > > 9. And the Evil One also brought forth pistols in which the trigger
didst
>> > > both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear
>> > > safe.
>> > >
>> > > 10. But man, being stupid, did not understand these new pistols and
didst
>> > > proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the
>> > > trigger-cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great
>> > > intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to
gloat
>> > > over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges
>> > > which they themselves had committed.
>> > >
>> > > 11. And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the
>> > > lord of the Underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible "Ka-Boom" to
>> > > descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution
upon
>> > > men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.
>> > >
>> > > 12. Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that
man
>> > > was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his
>> > > messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings
of
>> > > the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper
>> > > configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men, they didst begin to work
>> > > as the prophet had intended.
>> > >
>> > > 13. And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners
>> > > from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the
>> > > evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the
>> > > land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the
followers
>> > > of John.
>> > >