An Old Guys Opinion

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible
for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington,
D.C. But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down
terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds
off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join
until you're at least 35. For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional
seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into
submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the
other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a
jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for
the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up
early (to pee). If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because
we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial
number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a
deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and
didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do
any pushups after training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give
me...er ... one."

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.
He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, to wear
pants without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking
out.To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a 200-watt
speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great
reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before
sending them off to a possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked our
hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now
is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

AMEN-Ed

I am with you bud! Lets go!

As an old fart(literally and figuratively,just ask kudu) of 54 yrs. I agree wholefartedly. derF

Glenn: Count me in too. One request though, can I be a Special Forces sniper with a .408 Chey-Tac? BTW, I just turned 56. Bear in Fairbanks

I'M READY TO GO I WANT TO OPERATE THE WEAPONS IN AN ATTACK HELICOPTER. KILLIN TANKS AND USEING THE GUNS ABOARD WOULD BE A BALL.

Besides, going to war would be a nice restful vacation from being married.

AMEN ElViejo!!!!!!!