Vern's funeral

02 December 2016, 02:21

twoseventy

Vern's funeral

Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends
two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard,
So for his birthday she takes him to a local
Strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to
This club before.

"Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league ."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern
If he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable
And says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her a rms around Vern, starts to rub herself all o ver him and says...
"Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Vern's wife, now furious, Grabs her purse and
Storms out of the club.

Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in
Beside her.

Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper m ust have mistaken him for someone else, b ut his wife is having none of it

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,
Calling him every 4 letter word in the book...

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

...I say that hunters go into Paradise when they die, and live in this world more joyfully than any other men.
-Edward, duke of York

". . . when a man has shot an elephant his life is full." ~John Alfred Jordan

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance." Cicero - 55 BC

"The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities." - Ayn Rand

Cogito ergo venor- KPete

“It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own self-interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities but of their advantages.”
― Adam Smith - “Wealth of Nations”