( I couldn't decide whether to make the traveler in this joke an Englishman or a New Zealander. I settled on a New Zealander - on the theory that it would tick off the Aussies more)

A New Zealander lands at Sydney International Airport. A rather stern looking Australian Immigration officer questions him: " "Do you have a criminal record?"

The New Zealander says apologetically: "I'm afraid I don't. I didn't know it was needed".

No, no. It's not that you would need one to get in, but that a Kiwi wouldn't have one!

Dave:

No, No, you can't pull that Aussie propaganda on this Yank! I learned years ago that the Kiwis are the law abiding, good humored, always well behaved people living "down under". Why, I was told by a New Zealander (who was obviously a straightforward "chap") that Kiwi officers always worry about their troops associating with lawless, misbehaving Aussies. I felt deep pity for the Kiwi who told me that. He was obviously a man who was bearing one of life's burdens without complaint.

Gerry on face value that could well be true but .......turn down the lights introduce 1 sheep and a Kiwi will give a whole new meaning to 'an illegal U turn'

billsleg:

What gave you the idea that I would dare turn down the light around a Kiwi (or an Aussie for that matter)? You both raise sheep. ( OK,OK, I Have to admit that my heart just isn't in it to insult the Kiwis or the Aussies with sheep jokes) There! I just said something nice about the Aussies! Will that mean that if I get to your godforsaken continent one day that an armed delegation won't meet me at the plane in Sydney?

You'll be greated much more warmly if you bring along a supply of inflatetable sheep.

Inflatable sheep!! Bugger there goes smoking in bed, mind you we could inflate them and float them across the Tasman sea for our Kiwi brothers where I'm sure they will be welcomed as 'war brides'