13 December 2003, 05:37
raamwHoliday Greetings, Corporate America
December 1st To: ALL EMPLOYEES
I am happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
be held on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbeque. There will be lots of
spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed up as Santa
Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchanging gifts among employees can be
done at this time; please remember to keep gifts to the agreed $10.00 limit.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources
Director
December 2nd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterdy's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is a holiday that often coincides
with Christmas (though not this year unfortunately). However, from now on
we're calling this party our "Holiday Party." The same policy also applies
to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no
tree, or Christmas carols sung. Happy holidays to you and yours.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 3rd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but please remember that if I put up a sign on the
table that reads "AA ONLY," you won't be anonymous any more. In addition,
we will no longer be having a gift exchange since the Union members feel
that $10.00 is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 7th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest away from the dessert buffet, and for pregnant employees to sit
closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians
do not have to sit with the gay men; each group will have their own table.
And, yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table! Happy
now?
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 8th: TO ALL EMPLOYEES
People,people!! Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our
CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram for "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit'.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 10th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians- I've had it with you people!! We're holding this
party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbeque whether you like it or not!! You can
just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it,
and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you
know, tomatoes have feelings, too! They scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now. Ha! I hope you have a rotten
holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell !
December 14th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your
cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel the Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon off with full pay
on the 23rd.
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
13 December 2003, 12:48
KMuleinAK
Not to sound like the Grinch, but all that "politically correct" [censored] is ruining this country
!!!!! Merry Christmas to all - KMule ........... now that IS funny, the new software censored s..t ------- how about caca? merde? Gotta check the high intensity folks in the political forum, see IF THEY got censored
