Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night, trying to impress each other about how tough they are.


The first mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the seco nd mouse then turn to the third mouse.

The third mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long belch and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and have sex with the cat."

The Hollywood star actually grew up on a farm, so when she became successful she bought a small ranch in Montana. She wanted to work it, so she hired a manager and some hands. The manager caught one of the hands abusing one of the sheep. The new owner was quite angry and insisted that the hand be prosecuted. At the trial, the manager testified that he witnessed the hand with a sheep pressedagainst the fence in the corner of the field. The hand, he said, had his pants down, and the poor sheep was making terrible "baaaaaing" sounds. The judge stroked his chin and looked down. "Yep, they'll do that", he said.