I love old sayings, pithy distillations of common wisdom. The one that comes to mind now is "It's an ill wind indeed that blows nobody good." The ill wind in mind is California's terrible drought. Bad as it is, it has one good effect, the belding's ground squirrels are out early. I have had three good shoots already, about a month early. Alfalfa radiers beware!

"The dogs bark but the caravan rolls on."

"Mix clean water with dirty water-get dirty water."

The winter will ask what we did in the summer."

Some of my favorites.

There is no problem too small, or too large, which cannot be resolved with the proper application of high explosives.

Early bird gets the worm, which is a very good out look since those following will find more wary worms.

Look before you leap as caution is called for when worm hunting so one does not end up with a bad snake.


Al

My grandmother, a young woman during the depression, was found of saying, "if you've ate beans, you've ate."

Mart

While the early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.

"May the crap in your life only be a skiff on an undergarment and barely odoriferous."

If it 'aint broke, don't fix it.

One that I heard quite a bit growing up "Im going to tan your hide boy" I also got my hide tanned quite a bit. Learned pretty quickly though.

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. roger

Although from my generation and slightly off-color, but true, "If she smokes, she f**ks."
And
Red sky at night, sailors Delight. Red sky in morning, sailors take warning.

Deader then a door nail

She/he kicked the bucket or don't kick the bucket

What ever trips your trigger

Don't put all your egg in one basket

Don't cry over spilled milk

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

In the Middle Ages, folks only bathed once or twice a year. Dad went first, then Mom, then the kids in age order. Might not have been difficult to throw out the baby.

Here's one that is generally misunderstood.

"The cat's out of the bag."

Meaning, when a sailor was sentenced to flogging, appeals were heard until the bosun's mate pulled the cat out of the bag. Thank God those days are over.

Slightly similar, here's one that I heard from an old union boss twenty years ago:

"It's all saucered and blowed."

if ya don't care where ya are, then ya ain't never lost!!

A stich in time saves 9

Al

"Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you;
Cry, and you cry alone"

All his puppies don't bark.
He doesn't play with a full deck
Just a couple I use with some regularity.

muck

He must have rode the short bus

"you'd bitch if you were hung with a new rope!"

describing how busy -"covered up like a cat turd"

that looks like two coons fightin in a tow sack!

My all time favorite:

A man without a woman is like a duck without a bicycle...

Rich

quote:

Originally posted by Idaho Sharpshooter:
My all time favorite:

A man without a woman is like a duck without a bicycle...

Rich

Damn that's a good one. I am officially gona steal this.

muck

From the grandmother:
If it won't poison, it will fatten.

Grinnin' like a jackass eatin' briars!

About someone who is confused: He looks like a hog staring at a wristwatch

Regarding a woman with too much bright lipstick: She looks like a jay bird's ass during poke berry season

Darker than the inside of a bruised crow

Dumber than a worm

If stupid was chlorophyll he'd be green

"what goes around comes around"
"colder than witches tits"
"like a dog sh1tting peach seeds"
"don't like him don't anyone who likes him"
"no one gets out alive"
"you can't take it with you"
"dumber than a hammer"

If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you too ?
Dumber than a box of rocks.
More screwed up than a soup sandwich.
The cream always rises to the top.
Nine line bind.
Boy, you're pissin up a rope.
Uglier than Methusla.
Nuttier than a fruitcake.
Dead ? Stiff as a board.
Does a frog bump his ass when he hops ?
That boy don't know shit from shinola.
Fair to middlin.

grinnin like a possum eatin s$$t out of a hairbrush

"If the worm hand a gun the early bird wouldn't mess with with him"

quote:

Originally posted by Texas Killartist:

Uglier than Methusla.

Older than Methusla!

That looks like pan hammered shit.

Uglier than a smashed bag of a$$holes
and if they were really ugly!
Uglier than a smashed bag of a$$holes all tied in a knot!

Two other good ones that came to mind after reading all of these:

Life is like a shit sandwich; in that the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat...

She's so ugly you check wikipedia and under the word "Ugly" they have her picture.

or: She's so ugly they don't have a picture, just the negative.

Rich

My grandfather liked to say: Talk is cheap,, but it takes money to buy whisky. Regarding squirrel hunting; Once they get out of sight, you can't see em.

You're whistling up a mules ass ( you're dreaming ) I'm covered up with alligators ( I am busy )

Engineers version ---don't put all your ergs in one gasket

For the newbie -- bring me a left handed monkey wrench
Bring me a bucket of steam .

My mom's mother was fond of saying, "The hurrier I go the behinder I get." She was always busy doing something.

Sunshine is like cleavage, you don’t want to stare at either one to long.
The more people I meet, the better I like my dog!
Three men can usually keep a secret, if two of them are dead!
Courage is often lack of insight, whereas cowardice in many cases is based on good information.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.