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I need a little, outside the family thoughts.
Last week they took my stepfather to the hospital from his assisted care apartment.
He went in for back pain, and quickly went down hill.
He became less lucid, and I am the family member they ( my mom and Ron) put in charge of everything concerning them. I am emotionally vacant in regards to death, and most other emotions too.
Well you can guess where this is going.
I was called down by the Dr to tell me his lungs and legs are full of bloodclots.
Ron was able to hear, and said "good" The doc started to tell options for treatment and Ron clearly said " NO" I asked if he was ready to go, and he gave a clear "yes"
I told the doctor to go to just comfort care.
To those of us that visited Ron, he has been ready to die since my mom died 3 yrs ago. She lived at the assisted living center also, and Ron did most of the helping for her.
Some times we would have to stop him from talking about wanting to die, just to get a conversation with him.
Some of the family, the ones who didn't visit and see all this, are complaining about stopping treatment when he may not be lucid enough to understand.
My question, I just can't understand is, why would you want to prolong someone who is 85 yrs old, and is fine with/welcoming death? He is not going back to any life he was enjoying even if he did survive.
Posts: 4171 | Registered: 10 April 2009Reply With Quote
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I’m with you and Ron on this one, all the way.

He made his wishes clear, and if anything ever is to be a personal choice, it’s ‘check out time’. Everybody ought to be grateful he didn’t choose a messy way out.
Posts: 5260 | Location: Alberta | Registered: 14 November 2002Reply With Quote
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If a man has any Right, it's the Right to decline medical care if done while rational.

To decide that for someone else against their wishes is murder, to over-rule someone else's decision is cruelty of the highest order.
Posts: 4166 | Location: Tennessee | Registered: 09 December 2007Reply With Quote
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In a couple of weeks it will be four years since my Dad in his mid-80's died of a hemorrhagic stroke. He had the stroke on a Sunday morning and by Tuesday morning the doctors said that short of putting a shunt in his brain and hoping against the odds that the pressure would go down, hoping that he would survive the surgery, hoping that even if all that worked that he would not end up in some seriously impaired or vegetated state, there was nothing further they could do. He never regained consciousness after the initial stroke. He had made his wishes abundantly clear for years orally and in writing that he did not want to be intubated, etc. to be kept alive. He would have been pissed at us for allowing them to even intubate him but we did. It would have been hell on earth for him to be in state of cognitive awareness and to have been plagued by neurological or long term disability issues. Thankfully my Mom, sister and I all agreed that the right thing to do, based on what he wanted, not what we wanted, was to make him comfortable and let him pass. They say that doctors act like God, more often it is the family that is forced to act like God. All I think we can do is honor what we believe in our hearts is the will of the person that we are making that decision for. My condolences.

Posts: 18649 | Registered: 03 January 2006Reply With Quote
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Several years ago my sister called me and explained that my father, in his 90s, who was under assisted living care, quit eating. He went into a coma and when they gave him nourishment (I don't know how specifically) he would wake up and become lucid for a while. They had gone through at least three cycles of that when she called.

My mom was also in assisted living care, and not aware enough, and my sister had power of attorney. So, the sibling's decision was whether to just stop with the extraordinary feeding method, knowing the outcome. I voted to stop. Then she told me that I was the last one to vote, and it unanimous.

We decided to go one more round, so we could all talk with him one more time. Lucid is a relative thing. He told me that he had the back fifty acres and a mule for me when I came back home.

After the last phone call/conversation, I booked a flight home for the funeral. I didn't make it in time before he passed.

My mother passed away a month later, and I flew back again.


Reality: Resistance is Futile.


Posts: 12862 | Location: Depends on the Season | Registered: 17 February 2017Reply With Quote
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The only reason why, To answer your question, Is for selfish reasons.

I think you are making the right call.

As I get older, dying seems less of a concern than living and not being able to contribute or being forced to suffer.
Posts: 1656 | Location: North Island NZ | Registered: 21 July 2008Reply With Quote
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