Excerpts from a Dog's & Crat's Diarys

25 April 2005, 22:57

Hog Killer

EXCERPTS FROM THE DOG'S DAILY DIARY

8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM THE CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 283 Of My Captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing
that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get
from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors
by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse
these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favorite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought
them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable
of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according
to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the
food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power
of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog
is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a
half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks
with them regularly.
I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the
metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of
time...

Excerpt for AR/Small Game poster's diary.

That damn crat, I keep nearly tripping over it. He acts like he wants out, so I will send him to a nice warm climate, where he can roam around. It's time for him to go to Yankeetown, FL. Digital Dan can teach him to swim in his backyard.

Bye bye kitty.