New year, new software for AR. I think it's time to collect nominations for the sickest S.O.B. amongst us (please include achievement that warrants nomination). I officially nominate myself with the post that will follow. I don't expect I'll even come close, but what the hell. Just getting the ball rolling:

My entry, as posted on "Question for the seasoned vets" thread:

I don't qualify as a veteran by any means. I'm more on the theoretical side of things for now.

For example, a few of the posts inspired an idea.
Ingredients:
Glue spray of choice, whatever has the best duration of super-stick before drying.
A few 2x4s and nails/screws. (or some rope)
Old jeans or burlap. Any tough fabric will do.
Catnip

Assemble 2x4s into a rack, or a gallow's pole for visual effect (Use rope if there's a convenient tree branch). Hang a strap of fabric so it's dangling freely. Spice fabric with some catnip and coat generously with glue.

A little experimentation may be required to get it right. Some way to anchor the contraption would be useful. If built large enough the crat wouldn't have anything to use for leverage in its struggle and be stuck permanently. Maybe hang multiple straps and it will tie itself up like poletax's masking tape kitty.

If this is done far enough from civilization I suggest setting up a video camera and dispatching with a 12ga.

Any thoughts, improvements, suggestions? Most importantly, anyone willing or able to try this?

Well, ya sick bastard! Ya see, you didn't give 'em anything solid to push off against so they could skin themselves. BUHWANNNNNNNNT. You lose, sorry! It an idea with merit though. Nothing wrong with getting them all trussed up, it's the "self skinning" thing that damn near made me barf on the keyboard.(BOTKB)

Me, well I can't really nominate myself as you requested a synopsis of the deed. I'm way to busy to get caught up in legal complications to do that. There be crats to cook, ammo to load!

Dan

Pres., TYHC

www.Edward.Scissorhands

You keep doing your thing Dan,,,you know idle hands do the work of the devil so stay busy btw,,,old onion rings don't make good crat bait,,,kind of an r+d thing. I was trying to be a cheap ass and not spend .50 cents on a can of ultra valu tuna.Have fun!!!!Clay

Me, based on ANY of my 890 odd posts...


Toolmaker

I would like to apply for this award but to qualify I would have to tell the truth and fear
prosecution as a result. I offer this as an example. In High School science class our
teacher showd us how to make Sterno which is just a fuel in a colloidial matrix - gasoline
suspended in Jello. Make up your own batch of it on a cold winter day. Acquire the neighbor's
cat and thoroughly coat it in your Sterno. Loose hold of the slippery cat and watch in horror
as it runs back to the neighbors house, through the little cat door and up into the neighbors
lap while she is sitting next to the roaring fire in their fireplace.

Digital Dan: Good suggestion. Experimentation may indeed show that it's best to give them something to contact. I guess it depends on the desired result.

Toolmaker: I won't dispute that you qualify, but if you have to pick ONE incident to top all others, what would it be?

Old Elk Hunter: That's hilarious. How long before your balls reappeared and your sphincter relaxed?

I'm starting to see this thread as a "Best of the Best" showcase. Let it rip.

G'morning boys.
I don't mean to burst anyones bubble,but we don't stand a chance to even get nominated for this award.
Go over to the Political Forum and read some of those post.
Talk about your sick bastards.

Thanks Old Elk Hunter. Now I gotta go start workin on a nice Cat Flambe recipe! We never had that here before. Perhaps with sweet and sour gooseberry sauce.

SICK BARSTARD AWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!WHO THE HELL ARE WE TRYING TO KID HERE I dont think any TREE HUGGING GREENIES would dare turn up to get their awardes

If you really want to frustrate some Tom cats then the next time your neighbors female cat is in heat find your heavy welding gloves. Get hold of the female and hold her upside down while applying fast drying superglue to her entertainment zone. The release her.

Now sit on your front porch and watch the Toms
attempt to mate her. No hole for the pole. There's nothing more frustrating for a Tom than to have the need with no where to put it. One old Tom got pissed and almost shredded the female to find out what was wrong.

I guess it is time to join the other sick bastards on the political forum.

Awright. This is a story from lawndart's early crat launching days.

When lawndart was a wee lad in the army, he and his mates were feeding a few little wee kittens in the battalion aid station. The company commander came along, and upon seeing the wee kitties, told them to get rid of them NOW. The lads packed the wee kitties all over the base trying to find a home for them, and there were no takers. Lawndart had an idea. So. They all drove over to the banks of the Cape Fear River. The soldier with the strongest pitching arm threw the kitties one by one into the air when lawndart called "PULL!". Meewrrroooooow! BANG! (repeat previous x6). Lawndart discovered his trap shooting abilities were adequate to the task.

lawndart later caught massive shit. See, when the band of brothers joined up at chow or somewhere, they greeted each other with "Meewroooow! BANG!". Eventually someone inquired about this secret handshake equivalent. The cat was, so to speak, out of the bag.

The commander heard about this like, right now, and immediately assumed (correctly) that his in-house 82nd Airborne Division Trooper of the Month, was also a bit on the feloniously felinocidal side of things. When he had Specialist lawndart report to his office, and asked him about this matter, lawndart, beaming with pride, told the captain how hard it was to lead the kitties correctly when they were waving their paws around and squalling in terror. The captain, after giving lawndart a lengthy ass chewing, realized that Specialist lawndart just wasn't getting it. He asked lawndart what was it that lawndart didn't understand. Lawndart replied "Why did you tell me to get rid of the kittens then?" The captain, eyes bulging, then said "Just get the f*** out of my office." (He said this a lot to lawndart, lawndart's name around the aid station was getthef***outofmyoffice). Lawndart's face still beams with pride and happiness each time he tells the story. I heard the same exact rendition from one of lawndart's old army buddies who visited this summer. Unlike lawndart, his buddy Martin is trustworthy. So it's all awfully, terribly and verifiably true.

Quickfinger
Still shaking her head.

Lawndart should get a medal for "just following
orders, Sir".

Oh no, a thought came to mind. Maybe we should
design a crat killing medal. Any ideas?

One of lawndart's special talents in the military was providing immediate and tactile proof that the law of unintended consequences was alive and well.

A medal - an excellent idea! Once the medals are ready, let the games begin in earnest! I hear the Olympic theme....

Quickfinger

How about this for a design on the "Crat Eradication Medal of Honor"

To the right side of the medal is a crat standing tied to a post in front of a wall. (blind fold is optional) From the left side of the medal is the forend/muzzel of a rifle. Inscribed on the medal's reverse side is: Awarded In Defence of Tweety Birds And The Dedicated Destruction of Evil Crats At Every Opertunity By What Ever Means

Hog Killer

I am waiting with bated breath and yearnings for more SBA stories!! I know they're in there!!

Lois

I have a potential story. I found a large commercial thermos like container that will hold a lot of liquid nitrogen and is also big enough for a full sized cat. I think it is time to find a test subject. Here kitty, nice kitty, ......

I almost forgot. I know of someone who would be a candidate for your Sick Bastards award. He used to work at a lumber mill in the Willamette Valley of Oregon. He was on night clean up. He hated cats. It was found that he caught cats and tossed them in the barker before he had to do his nightly clean up of the barker. The night watchman caught him one night.

Oh, if you don't know what a barker is, the douglas fir trees have thick bark on them. The barker rotates the logs against sharp knives and teeth like protrusions to remove the bark.
Pretty picture then when you toss in a cat.

Well.......
Years back we would catch two Toms, tape their tails together and throw them over a barb wire fence.
Each thought it was the other guys fault and between the teeth, claws, and barbed wire, not to mention sound effects it was kinda entertaining!
Even funnier if you backed off a ways and a Coyote showed up

Neighbor bought his wife a new washer and dryer. He was able to give away the washer which still worked, but the dryer would run but not heat. Neighbor started having problems with cats around his house. He was a fellow cat hater but his wife liked them. He didn't think he could get away with killing the problem cats but he needed a way to make them stay away.

One day I saw him run a 220v extention cable out to the clothes dryer on his car porch. Being curious I keep an eye on his activities. Next I saw was him carrying an invading cat to the dryer. He somehow managed to get the uncooperative cat into the dryer and set it for a 15 minute cycle after adding a handful of small pebbles. he pulled up a lawn chair in front of the dryer. He peacefully drank a beer and watched "cat TV". At the end of the cycle he carefully opened the dryer door and the dazed cat fell out and eventually regained his composure and left. The cats that starred on Cat-TV never returned.

I soon bought my wife a new dryer.

Wow, I wonder if any of you were posting comments on the live crow for bait thread which side you were rooting for... Not trying to start anything, just got a laugh from this after reading the live crow thread. This doesn't count since any of the beforementioned activities could bever be construed as hunting...

In some of the days of my youth I've given cats a spin in dryer... just to help them get dry of course....

I've shot a few here and there when there was a genuine need, overpopulation, or disease running through these around here, but generally nothing just for fun. We're out in the open country and they help with rats and snakes, so a certain amount of cats is a good thing for me.

My wife has a couple of cats now that share the house with us. She'd sooner snuggle up to one of her cats before she snuggles up to me at night

I use a piece of 3'x3' plate steel with the white wire from a extention cord atached to it .
A metal bowel with the black wire atached is set on the center of the steel plate ,a piece of plastic for insulation between the 2 .
Put a can of cat food in the bowel , plug in the cord and sit dack and laugh at the dumb cats.

quote:

Originally posted by Ben589:
In some of the days of my youth I've given cats a spin in dryer... just to help them get dry of course....

I've shot a few here and there when there was a genuine need, overpopulation, or disease running through these around here, but generally nothing just for fun. We're out in the open country and they help with rats and snakes, so a certain amount of cats is a good thing for me.

My wife has a couple of cats now that share the house with us. She'd sooner snuggle up to one of her cats before she snuggles up to me at night

I'm thinking that maybe your not quite firm enough with your "Pussies"
But if you could arrange for them lap lions to come down with fleas, and some mange......you just might get a "shot", might even get a "shot" at their mistress too

quote:

Originally posted by johnch:
I use a piece of 3'x3' plate steel with the white wire from a extention cord atached to it .
A metal bowel with the black wire atached is set on the center of the steel plate ,a piece of plastic for insulation between the 2 .
Put a can of cat food in the bowel , plug in the cord and sit dack and laugh at the dumb cats.

Thanks johnch.



Daryl

quote:

Originally posted by Yukoner:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by johnch:
I use a piece of 3'x3' plate steel with the white wire from a extention cord atached to it .
A metal bowel with the black wire atached is set on the center of the steel plate ,a piece of plastic for insulation between the 2 .
Put a can of cat food in the bowel , plug in the cord and sit dack and laugh at the dumb cats.

Thanks johnch.



We used the same trick many years ago on the oil rigs. The frigging garbage dump was only a couple hundred feet from camp in those days, and covered with Blackies day and night. They would get so brave that the cook's helpers couldn't get the garbage off the truck, they would be into the box soon as it stopped.
Our answer to "Ursamus rectimus's" attitude was a sheet of metal, extension cord to the 120 volt and some sardines or honey.
Funny as hell watching them do the Ursine boogie! Even better with ole tabby!