04 January 2017, 21:50
EsskayDarwin Awards! Ok to post here? Else pls move as appropriate
The Darwins Are Out!!!!
Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honouring the least evolved among us.
Here Is The Glorious Winner:
1. When his 38
calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And Now, The Honourable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company.
The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for three hours to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that
the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo
had escaped.
Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that
the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked
for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the
cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran.
The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed
description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and
drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the
lady I stole the purse from.”
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren’t available for breakfast…
The frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man
curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged
his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the
best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
**Remember** They walk among us ...
